There are places I remember...

2 years ago I moved out of my home with my then 18 month old , we left almost everything behind to star a new life just the 2 of us. I was scared, heartbroken and did know how life was going to be as a single mother. Before then I had never had a place of my own. I moved from my parents home at the age of 21 to my new home with my then husband. It was little place . but our place. In 2 years this little apartment has been the witness of many life defining events. I remember sitting on the floor of a the empty apartment right before I moved in and I said a prayer asking God to guide me, to let that house be a place of happiness, not of sorrow.. to help me be wise with money and to manage everything on my own, pay my bills, keep a healthy environment for Lyla...I asked for no more tears. I can tell you that my prayers were answered ... There were tears, but tears of liberation, tears of growth, and tears of joy... Here I watched my little toddler morph into a gorgeous articulated, opinionated preschooler. Here I watched her crib turn into a toddler bed then a big girl's bed! Here the barbies and princesses arrived like a pink storm! and I love it!!! Here I packed up for my trip to Brazil with Lyla and many more adventures after that. Here I found out awful but liberating truths, here I waked in confidently with my divorce papers finalized knowing that I would be okay. Here I got ready for my first date post divorce and many more after that. Here I introduced my fist boyfriend to close friends. Here I walked in and out as a confident single woman who doesn't need to be rescued and who is not willing to settle. Here I had friends over to celebrate major professional victories, here I saw how good I am with money and how I can manage a household on my own. I am packing again to move on up . Lyla and I are getting a bigger place, new furniture, our own bedrooms again... This new place will have only our stuff. No ghosts allowed! Last time I boxed old memories, letters, photos and put in to the storage without even looking into them . I couldn't deal with then back them. Last weekend I opened up the pandora boxes. Ready to deal with the memories and let them go. Cant tell you that I didn't cry but it felt right. I let Lyla pick a few photos of us from a time before her, from a happy era. We talked about it. I showed her the wedding pictures ... she was confused , asked many questions but we dealt with it. She loved the pictures of her dad and I when we were young, 18 and 20. She wanted the wedding album.. All fitted into a small box, for her. The rest is gone with the wind. It felt good!!!! I will forever cherish the happy years but I dot need keepsakes, they are more like dead weight and I don't want them anymore. The hardest part was letting go of all Lyla's baby stuff. I chose some special things and donated the rest. It felt right as well, but painful. It symbolizes me accepting that its okay if I don't have another baby and if I do I will sure I will be able to get new stuff!! Lyla had a blast looking at her baby clothes. I showed her the pics of her wearing them. We talked about when she was little... she chose her favorites, I chose my favorites and its all in a pink box. We talked about sharing and about the little girls those clothes and toys were going to. I saved some for my niece. She understood the process and she had fun with me doing it. We was able to bless many people with the things we donated. Awesome little girls who will look just as adorable wearing those outfits and playing with those toys. I actually saw a little girl wearing some of Lyla's dresses at church. It actually many really happy. Tonight my friend is coming by to get her crib. I am sure that will be hard, but the crib must go too, to make room to an awesome fairy princess bedroom! Got lose a little to gain a lot! I also let it go of a entire box of fertility books. It made me thinking of the longing for a child, the ache, feeling hopeless ... it seemed so distance and yet so raw. Most importantly it make me grateful and reminded me that dreams do come true. So I will keep on dreaming. sometimes takes time, but I will keep on dreaming.. at a brand new place, perfect for the both of us...