Update picture from Miami #2

Today is my last day here. I'll miss it... It feels like Brazil here, the sun (that did not show up much these past days), the beach, the food... On the other hand I am glad to get back home to my honi. He also said that there are a lot letters waiting for me from the Braces Bunch, so exciting!!!! THANK YOU GIRLS! I wrote a few notes at my plan ride here, and I’ll write a few more on my way back.
Today I spent the afternoon at the beach by myself. It was cloudy but I manage to get a sunburn ( I was so pale and now I look like a red pepper!!!. It was great to spend this time alone. I read, I listened to some music, thought about my life, stared at the most beautiful ocean ever.... It feels good... My batteries are recharged to start over… a new job, clomid, progesterone...

For now I will enjoy the last few hours of my vacation

Look at this view!!

Guess what I was thinking about

baby , baby , baby....

Picture update from Florida

Key West!!! Sunset

• Look at my new and improved body
  
  


• Free!!!!!!!!
  
  
  


• I am having so much fun with her... My friend's baby. She is so so sweet . My friend took this picture while J and I were playing at the beach... you can clearly see my joy... I love kids and can only imagine how much more I'll love my own child!

More pics to come...

VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miami here I come... I am leaving today ladies. One more time I over packed (better safe than sorry). I heard that it is raining over there (just my luck). But I don't care... I hope I have a great time with my fried M. I am glad I did not take clomid because it is cd 16 today and no O yet... I guess I'll miss the egg this cycle. I wish DH would come with me , but he can't.. I'll miss you baby!!!!!!!!!!!

PS: I wrote some letters for the Braces Bunch yesterday and I plan to do some more at the plane... I can't wait for you gusy to get my mail

Love

See ya when I am back

Radom news and another tag

Hi ladies
Thank you so much for the nice messages of congratulations. I really appreciated it. As I said on my previous post my graduation was very very good. I tried too put the whole TTC business aside and just enjoy the moment. What I leaned is that, even though IF does not define who I am, It is part of my journey and it is very hart not to see things through the IF glasses. Like the moment I was giving my speech at the party, In a split second a thought came to my mind… wouldn’t it be great if I could announce that I am Pg today? Wouldn’t it be great to have my 10 month old baby here with me (If I hadn’t m/c) , wouldn’t it be great if the party was my baby shower??... Yes, it would be… I just did not let me push down and usually does, and kept on celebrating!!!!!!!!


On a different note, I would like to thank you all from the Braces Bunch. I can’t even begin to tell how AWESOME it is to get all the letters and sweet notes. I feel part of a community a sisterhood, and the love from each one of you makes stronger. DH started noticing that the numbers of letters for me increased exponentially LOL and he asked what they were about. Now, he gets all excited when there is a new one!!!! He said that we should save all of them and show our baby how loved he/she is form people hat don’t even know us! I’ll do that for sure.
I am sorry that I haven’t had time to reply the messages yet. With graduation and my MIL going back to Brazil (have to buys all those gifts for my huge family in Brazil) I haven’t had any free time.


In 2 days I am leaving to Miami. I am so so excited!!!!!!! I can’t wait to see the ocean again.

On the TTC end, I am taking a break this cycle. the big O will maybe happen when I am way next week and DH is not coming with me. To be honest, I am not feeling guilty!! I need this vacation. I’ll start clomid next cycle.

Baby Blues tagged so here I go (Sending lots of love Baby blues, I hope that you feel better)

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so

1)Baby Moxie

2)Kicking You From The Inside

3)Third Time Lucky?

4)Babyblues

4) So i wait for you

Next select five people to tag: (if you haven’t done it already)

1) Hopefult to Hateful in 28days

2) My reality

3) Ultimate journey

4) The one liner

5) Serenity

What were you doing ten years ago?

I was a freshman in Pharmacy school and waiting to meet the man of my life (Met him July 1997

What were you doing 1 year ago?

Enjoying my mom's visit (she came from Brazil) and started writing my thesis

Five Snacks You Enjoy:

1. Pizza

2) Cheetos

3.) fruits

4) Gold fish (crackers)

5) chex mix

Five Songs to Which You Know all the Lyrics:

1) With or without you (U2)

2) Heart of the matter (Don Henley)

3)With Hope (Steven Curtis Chapman)

4) When I see you smile (Bad English)

5) Bad (U2)

Five Things You Would Do If You Were a Millionaire:

- Go back home (Brazil)

-Help my family and give to charity

- IVF

- Travel

- a makeover LOL

Five Bad Habits:

1. Interrupting people when they are speaking
2. I Stare at people on the streets
3. Comfort eating
4. Watch too much TV
5. Being bossy

Five things you like doing:

1) talking to my mom over the phone

2) going to the movies

3) Traveling

4) Date with DH

5) Shopping

Five things you would never wear again:
1) Skinny jeans (unless I loose some serious weight)
2) High waste pans
3) Neon color clothing
4) Shoulder pads
5) Overalls

Five favorite toys:

1. My Lap top (only 3 pounds, I love it)

2. DH's video ipod

3. 2 G pendrive

4. TV

5. My car

I'll add this one...

Five favorite movies:

1. Shawshank Redemption

2 Dad man walking

3 The Goonies

4 Nemo

5 My new fav THE NAMESAKE

I still have to do the "I am" poem... maybe next....

What a great weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KU! class of 2007

Proud to be Brazilian!

On the way to the graduation ceremony

Officially a doctor!

Go Jayhawks!!!!

HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The band... Brazilian music (DH's band).... Thank you guys for playing!

Class of 2007!!!!!!!!

I love this man!

Hi ladies, I AM SO HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I had the greatest time ever this weekend at my party and graduation. I am so thankful for the family and friends that I have, for making this day a special one... Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. I manage to forget all about IF and just have a good time. I haven’t felt like that in a long time. Details to come, mean while enjoy the pics

I am officially a Dr. now. The hooding ceremony was very nice. I just wish my parents were here!

I'm a beggar on a beach of gold

After 4 years in pharmacy school + 5 years in graduate school… I am done!!!!!!!!!!! As you may know I defended my thesis last month but this weekend will be my graduation. The entire weekend dedicated to celebration, happiness, laughter and joy!!!!!.
Tomorrow I will have a party, 50 guests, (it will at a friend’s house) DH’s band will play, lots of Brazilian food and plenty of drinks. Saturday it will the hooding ceremony and Sunday the commencement. I had a great time shopping for all the events LOL and DH is not so pleased with my final shopping bill. Oh well, I will only get a PhD once. I am bit sad that my family could not be here , but I have DH and whole bunch of friends that helped me to go through this journey . I am so grateful for all the support I got and I am happy to share this moment with the ones that have been there for me.
My hope is that I’ll be able to put my IF aside and can concentrate on the other blessings in my life. I have so much to be thankful for but unfortunately this whole quest for a baby makes me forget about the rest .
There is a song from Mike and the Mechanics that reach caught my attention this week.

A Beggar On A Beach Of Gold

I didn't know when I was lucky
Discontented feeling bad
Filled with envy
For possessions other people had
I found my pride had always hurt me
Fought the world to gain control
Not realizing
I was sitting on a beach of gold

Oh lord I'm a poor man
With all the riches I can hold
I'm a beggar
And I'm sitting on a beach of gold

The problems I encountered
Gave me strength helped me sustain
To know the pleasure
First I had to cure the pain

When I was searching for solutions
I found the answer lay in me
I'm a drifter
But I'm drifting on a silver sea

Oh lord I'm a poor man
With all the riches I can hold
I'm a beggar
And I'm sitting on a beach of gold



I’ll come back after my long weekend is over

8 random things about myself

First of all, I am so glad that many of you decided to quiz your husbands. It is amazing how creative they are LOL. The great thing about all of this is that for the first time hobby got truly interested on reading the posts. He even asked tonight: did any other guy take the test??? Thank you all for sharinf and for the laughs!!!!!



“Hopeful to Hateful in 28 days” tagged me to list 8 random things about myself. Here goes:

1) I am Brazilian, born and raised in Fortaleza (Northeast coast of Brazil). I moved to Kansas (out of all places, don’t ask me why) 6 years ago.
2) I don’t fit some of the Brazilian’s stereotypes : I am far from being the “girl from Ipanema” (perfect tan body), I am a bad dancer (don’t ask me to teach how to dance Samba) , never visit the Amazon jungle and I am not Catholic ( I am Presbyterian)
3) I am a scientist and love love what I do (biomedical research). Just got my PhD
4) My family is huge. I have 1 brother and 1 sister, 8 uncles and 4 aunts (mom’s side) and 7 aunts and 3 uncles (dad’s side, 32 first cousins from my mom’s side and 28 on my dad’s side . Imagine buying gifts for that many people when I go back home!!!!!!!!
5) I am married with a drummer /sound engineer/producer. I met my DH 10 years ago at church and he proposed over the phone . We got engaged at the airport in Kansas 4th of July (long story… I’ll save it for next post)
6) I learned how to speak English in 8 months.
7) I only got my driver’s license when I was 24 ( I was very sacred to drive, after many tears, therapy and moving to a city with no public transportation , I conquered my fear)
8) I am the result of an unplanned pregnancy, biological father walked out and mom was brave enough to have me alone. Thankfuly, She met the man of her dreams (my dear dad) when she was still expecting me. I never met the guy and don’t have any desire to. I have the best dad in the world!!!!!!!!!!!! In addition, I was born in 1978, the year that the first "test tube" baby was born I guess that was a sign of things to come

I tag

Nicole
Sara S P
My reality
Serenity
The oneliner
A Somewhat Ordinary Life
Hope 548
ultimatejourney

Let us know 8 random things about you

At least he tried...

My husband always complains that he can't understand my posts because they are too "technical", meaning that he can’t understand all the abbreviations such as (DPO, CD, IUI, POAS and so on…) He usually comes up with his own translations…and I end up laughing my a$$ off. Today I decided to quiz him. The result is a "F" for knowledge but an "A+" for creativity


AF – ABNORMAL FEELING
IVF – IN VITRO FERTILIZATION
IUI – INTRA UTERUS INJECTION (almost got this one)
IF – INFILTRATION
PG – PER-GOOGLE
TTC – TRYING TO CONCEIVE
DPO – DEEP PURPLE OBJECT
BFP – BODY FULL OF PLEASURE (He said that is something you scream after sex) LOL
BFN – BODY FEELING NAUSEOUS
POAS – POSITIVE OUTLOOK AFTER SEX
OPT – OPTIONAL PRACTICAL TRAINING
CD – COMPACT DISC
BD – BASS DRUM (he is a drummer)

2 out of 13... I love him for trying and for making me laugh when all I want is to cry!!!
How do you think your husbands would score???

To my Mom, Grandmothers, Mother in Law, Aunts, friends and all of you in blogland that were blessed with a baby ... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

As for all of us sill waiting:
Maybe next year will be different. We have to keep on hoping !

AF and other issues (with update)*

AF keeps knocking at my door but hasn't showed up yet. I guess "she" is waiting to do a grand entrance on Mother's day weekend, just lovely! Of course I already POAS and of course it was a BFN. In the past 6 months I have been having 28 day cycles but just because is May I need some extra drama and it is already CD32. The only good news of this cycle is that I recheck my progesterone level (in what I thought was 7DPO but I guess it was only 4dpo) and progesterone was 11. I know that is not great, but it is much better than the 7.2 and 6.8 I got a few months ago. Maybe, just maybe, my body is finally getting back on track. During my last doc visit I also got my clomid prescription but I am debating if I should start this cycle or not. If AF comes today or tomorrow, ovulation should be here by the 24th or so... (last cycle with clomid I O very late) . The thing is that I have a nice trip (by myself) to Miami scheduled for the 26th and I would hate to take clomid and miss O. In addition, this is my graduation month , I am truly looking forward to the celebration and not worry about OPTs, temps, clomid side effects... Part of me thinks: what if this is the cycle and you are sitting it down to enjoy life???? But again, I have done that before, and nothing happened and I end up home, no baby, no vacation... And to be honest I am tired of putting all my plans on hold because of TTC. I want to have a baby more than anything, but I am going insane!!!!!!!!!! I am losing myself in the process, and that is no good either. I think that 7 peaceful days in Miami with a dear friend of mine (a fellow Stirrup queen who conceive through IVF and has a 1 year old baby girl) will be very good for me, especially before starting a new job in June. I wish DH could come but he has to work.


As for Mother’s day, I plan to call my mom and Grandmother in Brazil (I wish they were here. MISS YOU MOM AND HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY) and take MIL to dinner. I told DH that I have no strength for lunch with very pregnant SIL . He said he will do whatever I am comfortable with ( I love you honey). It will also be interesting at church, DH is playing (he is a drummer) so I will go . I only hope that I don’t cry when all the cute kids come out to sing for their moms. My Pastor and his wife know our “situation” and they also had problems conceiving (7 years= 2 IUI’s girls and I surprise boy). I wish that he finds a sensitive way to acknowledge the “wanna-be-moms” like me. Since so many other people know that we are TTC, I hope that nobody says something like “maybe next year will be a mom”, if they mean it I am ok, but if it is out of pity, please don’t say anything.

Lastly, I hope also that DH finds a way to acknowledge that I was a mother once; even for 7 weeks (does it count?) I certainly felt like one (Silly me). I don’t expect and don’t want this for anyone else but I really wish it would come from him. I guess I am not making munch sense, but somehow I crave this validation from my husband… or a “you will a good mother some day” kind of comment. I know that he thinks that, but I would love to hear it on Sunday.

Thank you all for the support and words of encouragement you always leave here. It means the world to me.

UPDATE*
AF is here, CD1 again ... I wish I did not care, I wish I did not feel as sad as I am feeling today. Oh well, I have no options I have to keep looking forward. I decided not to take clomid this cycle and enjoy my vacation in Miami (I can't wait)

Knock Knock...

• Knock Knock
• Who is there?
• AF
• AF who?
• Your monthly reminder that the fight is not over yet and that another cycle has failed

I feel so bad....

I wrote this post 3 weeks ago about me being sad (again) that another friend is pregnant

… one of my friends from work called me the morning. She is PG and she is not sure if she is ready to keep it or not! 2 years ago, she was single, did not even think about getting married and the word “kids” was not even in her vocabulary. She got married 2 MONTHS AGO !!!!! I am trying to be strong and supportive but I can’t help it and be sad and cry. It is just too hard !!!!!!!!!!!!


Yesterday I got the e-mail from her that she lost the baby. I feel so bad for her, she was confused and sad. Even though she did not want the baby to begin with, she was little by little getting excited about the PG. I feel bad that I cried about it, but I never wish her or her baby anything bad. I wish I did not feel sad when I get other’s people PG news... I wish we did not have to worry about getting pregnant, I wish that IF does not turn me into a different person, I wish that my friend feels better soon and that I can be supportive and there for her when she needs. I wish that all of us can get pregnant soon!