Happy New Year!

Time it has just flown by hasn't it? like sand running through my fingers every day has gone by and now it is time to look back, learn, reaccess , meditate, bottle up memories, reminisce and then look ahead, reset, and brace ourselves for yet another wild ride into the unknown!!!! I am peaceful about the unknown. Mainly due to my faith but also due to the fact that I now know that if you encounter a mountain you just have to make the choice to climb it. If the waters are deep, you swim or just tread water for a while until you can place your feet on solid reassuring grounds and the sun shines again ; and when it shines... Oh my friends... just soak up as much as you can and be thankful to the warmth.
Sometimes you have to be thankful regardless of the winter. The bone chilling experiences that leave you shaking. You take a deep breath, brace those who love you and remember that it wont last forever. Its a season! I know it can last more than usual, but it is just a season... that too shall pass! Rest assure that Spring is always right around the corner! and when its finally here, take time to smell the roses! take time to appreciate the beauty of new beginnings. Allow the blossoming and blooming that comes from within! allow the fresh scent of renewed hope to take over and be thankful again.
You may have had the best year of your life, so be grateful and celebrate! You may have had the worst year ever, so cry for a while, its cathartic! Allow yourself to grief. It is a necessary part of healing... just don't dwell on it for forever and when you are getting close to start feeling sorry for yourself: STOP IT, its counterproductive! Hold on to the people and things that matters the most to you and be hopeful!
Like me you may have had your ups and downs during this year. The days you want to remember for forever and the ones you wish had never happened. I wish they had never happen for you, I really do. But through it all my heart has always rested assured on the promise that "All things work together for good to those who love God".
I wish that this new year to come is kind to you. That your dreams come true, That you can endure whatever may come your way. That you can love and be loved unconditionally, trust blindly, believe and wonder like and innocent child. I wish laughter and joy. Health and prosperity. That you cry only tears of joy, and if not that you may have a shoulder to lean on. I wish that next year this time I can be hearing about the best year of your life!!!!! and we will celebrate and laugh together. But know that if you need me I will be here, just like you have always been for me!

Happy new year my friends
My warmest wishes

One of my favorite quotes for this year:

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense" Emerson, Ralph Waldo

The joy

I feel bad that I felt sad yesterday after having such a wonderful time with Lyla, here are a few pics of our Holiday. I hope you guys had a fun one!

I had a wonderful Christmas... until my time was up! Divorce sucks. Having to share her sucks, stare at a gorgeous Christmas tree surrounded by brand new toys on Christmas night sucks more than I have words to describe. She had and still is having a fabulous time and this is what matters, this is what matters, this is what matters, this is what matters, this is what matters, this is what matters... maybe if I repeat it long enough I feel better.


* maybe I am being overdramatic, after all I had her 90% of the time during the Christmas Holiday and it was wonderful, magical, fun, happy. Her dad came over and we opened gifts together, she was over the moon! Maybe is wrong of me for wanting 100%

Merry christmas from my family to yours!

Wordless Wednesday: WE LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!!

...

I am hurting today... This time of the year is hard, very hard. I know nobody has it all, but what I want is so simple and yet so intangible... I feel as if I am not worthy of it. I can only have and pieces, never the entire deal package. The reminders are everywhere: The families in their holiday's outfits going to take pictures or waiting on line to see Santa, the siblings playing together at the play area, the guy buying his significant other that special gift, the commercials... This sadness takes me by surprise and get its grip on me at days when I am least expecting. It so overwhelming, almost takes my breath away. I don’t want to be ungrateful, I have Lyla, she makes this season so much fun. I just feel that I running low on energy. I give give give give, I please people, I work hard to make a name for myself, I care for her... but at the end of the day I just have that overwhelming feeling that nobody has my back, that if I collapse I will have to pick myself up, that I don’t have luxury to be weak whe I am so tired of being strong. So I keep going, going and going and some days it hits me like a ton of bricks how lonely this journey as a single parent is, how much I have lost. Tomorrow I will wake up feeling better and I will keep on going, but for today I will just cry and allow myself to drink this bitter cup of that has been handed to me. I am hurting today...

From baby to big girl!