The road may be bumpy , but we are learning to enjoy the ride!

She is my daughter , and that will never change..
Here are some pictures of Lyla and I enjoying our last warm days in Kansas












Have a great week

It 3 am and I can't sleep... I've had one of the hardest weeks of my life and I am coming to terms with a new reality that is shaping up in front of my eyes. That old feeling of being scared of the unknown in back but this time comes together with rejection... I spent Saturday afternoon with 2 good friend's of mine.I felt so good, I felt accepted and loved for who I am. They were glad to see me, glad to see Cibele, not a version of the Cibele that is convenient to them... I miss my family, they keep me grounded and proud of who I am. I feel accepted here too, and I love you guys for being so kind with me. Today I whispered on Lyla's ears while she was asleep: I love you and thanks for loving me back... only if she knew it how much this means to me. I hope she never feels rejected. I will teach her to love herself and be sure of who she is. I am just vending, otherwise I will explode... I am looking for counseling. I am reaching out here , asking for your prayers and good thoughts. I need strength and wisdom God, please be by my side, I know YOU accept me, love me and will never never forsaken me!



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It is 7 am, I got a few hours of resteful sleep and I feel better. Nights are always harder, but I feel ready for the week, it has to be better.

PS: Lyla slept 12 hours last night (woke up 2x for 15 to eat but went right back to sleep) I think she knows that her mommy needs a break.

Great time

My weekend at the lake was awesome. It was raining when we left but once we got there it was 75 and sunny. Lyla put on for the first time on her life a swimming suit and she looked so cute!!!!!!!! DH and I enjoyed a Jet Ski ride on the lake , just the 2 of us (that was super fun) and a fun dinner with our friends at night on our nice room with a great view to the lake. After lyla went to bed we drank some wine and played "Are you smarter than a 5th grader" SUPER FUN!!!!!!!! The next day was sunny and cold, just perfect to enjoy the great mall they had there, shopping is always fun!!!!!. Lyla did great , she slept the 3 hours on our way to the lake and the 3 hours back. She loved being outside close to the water and seeing the trees. I took ton of pic and I would like to share some with you.









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Excited

Thank you girls for all your support. I am feeling stronger and more confident. We are talking more and sometimes I can even see a glimpse of what we had before and that gives me hope. I am also excited that we are going on a weekend trip to the lake of the ozarks in MO, 3 hours away from where I live. A friend of ours has a time share there and is taking us with them for the weekend. That will be Lyla's first trip! I am so excited. I SO need this. I have lots to do to be ready for it . I never traveled with a baby, I am not sure how much to pack. I'll try to keep to a minimum (not easy I know). The weather will not be very warm but I am taking a swim suit for Lyla , maybe they will have a indoor pool... I am definitely not taking a swim suit for my self, I am not ready for that! maybe next summer. My friend and his wife will baby seat Lyla Saturday night so DH and I can have some time for ourselves. I am excited about that as well!


Here is Kansas is getting cold, it definitely feels like fall. I miss summer already, but I am really enjoying playing dress up with lyla's new fall/winter wardrobe!

Love at first site

Last year on September 4th I saw and heard her for the first time and I've been in love ever since. I still remember all the details of that day, one experience that i wish for of you my dear friends still TTC. My girl has come long ways from not even looking like a baby

Lyla's first pic!




to being the apple of mommy's and daddy's eyes... all in only 365 days!!!

Lyla's latest pic

Not easy (with update)

It was a very challenging weekend, I think the worst since Lyla was born. I felt so powerless, my poor baby cried , cried and cried... sometimes for one whole hour. Her ears hurt, she could not breath through her nose, she was coughing and could not eat well . She did not sleep much (neither did us). Because of her very high temps (103 one time) and because she would wake up every 30 min or so I has her on our room, on our bed ( I know is not a very wise decision, but I was in survival mode). The drugs are starting to work and she has not had a fever in 24 hours. The prevacid is a really great medicine, the reflux is 100% better. Even though she is much much better I wish I did not have to send her to day care this week at all, it is not fair, but again I have no choice. The feeling of guilt weighs very high on my shoulders. DH and I are so stressed out we can barely talk with each other without starting an argument. He was been great through it all though, really helped me with her during these difficult days. I need to sleep, I meed some rest... I am sick too, I got her cold ... but the wheels need to keep on turning and today the routine starts all over again

to to show you how good of a baby Lyla is... as soon as she feels a little better she smiles like nothing is wrong at all


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Update

When I was pregnant I called the doctor's office all the time. One nurse I said I was very demanding, but I did not care. I learned to trust my instincts and fight for Lyla. Nos as I mother, I feel the same way. I call the doc's office all the time and I am sure they call me demanding, but I don;t care. Lyla's was or her 4th day of antibiotics, even though she does not have a fever she is not sleeping well and crying a lot. I called the doc's office just to see if they want to follow up her progress. I thought twice if I should call or not since she was there on Saturday. I am glad I did. Lyla is resistant to this new antibiotic as well. It worked last time after trying one that did not work. They are changing her to a much stronger antibiotic, a combination of 2 different ones. I am so upset with this news. I wonder if I should ask for a second opinion but at the same time her hearing can be damaged if this infection as not taken care of asap. She has a perforated ear drum, poor girl, no wonder she is crying so much. The doc said that it would heal itself but she wants to keep a closer eye on her and see her every month . I was told that is very common in children that go to daycare, because they catch the "bugs" that are already very resistant to antibiotics . I feel so guilt that she has to be exposed to this. The good news is that her lugs are clear and she is not losing weight (17 lbs 4 oz) , still has a great appetite.

I was told to expect diarrhea and tummy problems , great!!!!!!
My poor baby