Sweet 16

Lyla turned 16 months yesterday! We celebrated yesterday by playing on the water fountain time to get dry a treat time to go bye bye (sweater and diapers - the new style LOL)

The move

TIRED, very TIRED.... 100% moved and 100% unpacked, 100% cleaning left to be done on the old apartment (Where will I find the energy??). Thankful for the help of many, relieved that in the end all worked out, hopeful for the future, proud of my achievement, and in desperate need of a spa day... All in all the move went well. Lyla feel lost on her new place, she keeps taking wrong turns LOL. Poor kid, she is only 15 months and that is her 3rd address. What can I say? boring is not our middle name, we keep it fresh and on the go LOL... kidding! Hopefully stability will be our middle name from now on. I've declared this house to be a house of happiness, sorrow is not welcome...
Lyla camping in the leaving room while mommy finished packing on our former place.

PRECIOUS CARGO

I am proud to say that I am done packing , all by myself with the "help" of Lyla. Everything is in place and ready to be moved on Saturday. Lyla has been so great, she plays while I pack, sleeps almost through the night, wakes up in a great mood. She loves the boxes and just in case I might forget her she decided to pack herself, she is my most precious cargo. I have lots of help lined for Saturday(including the ex), her babysitter agreed to watch her while I move. Wish me me luck ladies, i still have lots lots of work ahead of me: unpacking and cleaning. I hoping to sleep this night , my medication for asthma gives me the worse insomnia. I've been running on 3 hours tops of sleep in the past 4 nights. The medicine (corticosteroid ) gives me a high so I feel awake and energetic. I packed until 3 am , slept from 3-6 and I am at work now! Once I crash it will not be pretty!

My super cute top model!

Here are the pics that we got for Lyla's 15 months. It was actually an audition for this hair bow company (youbowgirl) . They were looking for new "models" for their new website. We got the free photoshoot and this cute butterflies she is wearing. It was a fun experience but it nos easy to take pics of a busy 15 month old.
PS: I am not an stage mommy LOL and i don't plan to start her career on modeling just really want to get the free photos since we needed to take the 15 months pics anyway!
Enjoy the pics

There are places I remember…

Everybody that knows me IRL jokes that I move too much. It is true, in the almost nine years that I have been here; I’ve lived in 6 different places. I remembered each one of them, the happy and sad days in each one of them and how each time I closed the door behind me without looking back carrying with the lessons learned. Now I am getting ready to move yet again. The thought is daunting, especially with a very busy 15 month old girl, especially as the only grown up (don’t worry, I have help lined up but it is still overwhelming). This time is different in many ways. I am downsizing, leaving behind not only furniture, but memories, a whole way of being, 12 years of a way of thinking and feeling. The cleaning process is both painful but necessary. I had hidden stuff under the bed, in boxes, in the corners of my brain, but now they are coming out from their hidden places and I know I need to let them go once for all. I am shading layers as I pack way my new life, single handed holding on to what matters the most. I can’t sleep lately; each piece that I find around the house wakes up memories, that than turn into dreams, nightmares, they open up Pandora boxes, songs that play over and over again, questions without answer. I know this process in necessary. I’ve done in before, but not alone. You know what I mean, I am not alone because I have Lyla, but I can’t share this load with her, I am trying to protect her from it instead. I remember when I packed to move to my 5th place, a few moths after I had my m/c . I remember finding a box with the positive pregnancy test, the blanket that I bought, the u/s… I had hidden those too. I found them and I broke down because I knew that somebody was there to lift me up, to allow me to be vulnerable. That is no longer an option, I can’t break down, but I am vulnerable anyway. The hardest thing was to opened up the box with lyla’s baby clothes, the one she came from the hospital with, the ones she wore the first months. That smell, oh that smell, reminded of the sweetest times. I got drunk on her baby smell, it brought back the memories of the very few months that I felt happy, complete and at peace; not worried about TTC, not worried about the pregnancy, not worried if he was going to leave or not, not worried how I was going to survive after he left, not worried about the future,… just happy to have the family I’ve always dreamed of. I sobbed until I soaked her little pink pj and I put it back where it belongs, in the past. I held Lyla and I got drunk again with the smell of the present, the sweet reality that I am a mother after all, the promise that love will find its way back to my life, the knowledge that time will heal all things eventually. We will have a place that is our own, smaller but with less baggage to carry in my back. One more ttimeI will close the door behind me and I will NOT look back, but again I will carry with me the lessons learned and my sweet sweet girl...

Big girl

I took this pic of Lyla 2 nights ago and I was in shock when I saw it today in the morning. She looks so tall, so grown up... When did this happen?? Where is that tiny baby that came home with me???

Child's Wonder!

whwe are building memories together. We had so much fun with our great friends that love us. I am getting more and more comfortable with my little family of 2.

Happy 4th!!

Look how little she was last year at 3 months!



have a great Holiday with your families!


I will post pic from this year later