I AM A DRAMA QUEEN

Today I am feeling defeated… I managed to have 3 major freaked out in the last 3 weeks. I am definitely not handling the stress of pregnancy well. I worry too much, I overreact… I call my doctor too often, I cry too much… Since Tuesday I was not feeling much movement. Last night I did not feel anything and this kept me awake through the night. I poked her, bagged , prayed and still did not feel her moving. In the morning I almost overdosed in caffeine (I cup of coffee, I can of coke and chocolate), I stayed on my side for one hour and felt her move only once. As the minutes passed and she was not moving I panicked and started crying desperately. Finally I decided to called the doctor around 7:30. She called me back and I was still crying. She told me to go have a sono (my second in one month!) and perform a non stress test. Baby passed the test within the first 15 minutes of the sono. They counted the movements and she seems fine and active, playing with her feet and hands, blowing bubbles). I could not feel most of the movements, maybe because she is in awkward position (head and feet up and button down, like in an “U” shape). Placenta looks good, amminiotic liquid levels just normal. I asked how big she is but the tech said that my doc only requested a movement scan, not a growth scan. I did not want to push the issue since I was so exhausted already but I would have been nice to know. Both of my doctor and the sono tech were extremely nice with me, they did not make me feel paranoiac or being unreasonable for have called (lets see what my isn will think about this, 2 sonos in one month + the level 2 will probably not sit well with them). DH on the other hand, gave a long speech on our way home.. that I have to learn to let it go, to enjoy the pregnancy to stop worrying … he asked me if it is going to be like that once she is here, if I will freak out with every little thing… I feel awful and exhausted. The feeling that I have is that I’ve used the same “panic card” too often and it is becoming not believable and if God forbid something happen nobody will believe me anymore. In every other area of my life I seem to have a grip on things, but when it comes to my pregnancy I am totally lost and get easily overwhelmed. Does anybody else feel this way? How can I let it go?

Please....

Please baby stop scarring mommy. I know that you are probably enjoying your 2 days of less activity, but could you please just start moving more again? You know, mommy has a hard time concentrating on her job when you stand still like that. Just a few kicks and I'll be happy again! Please , please...

I DID IT, I DID IT

I am so freaking happy!!!!
Less than one year after graduating , I got my first grant as a independent researcher by the Polycystic Kidney Disease Foundation. THANK YOU GOD!!!! It is not a huge grant , but big enough for a first time applicant. This will guarantee me at least 2 more years of active research, Independence and flexibility and it will also help me with my application for the work visa... maybe now my boss will get off my back!
One interesting thing about this grant is that I wrote it during the cycle I got pregnant. The deadline for submission was August 15th and I got a BFP on the 17th. Apparently I work well under pressure!!!! LOL

Second Trimester Ramblings

I can't believe that is my last week on my second trimester. They say that the second trimester is the most pleasant one: we are not sick anymore, the eminent risk of miscarriage has lifted up. we're are not too big , so on ... My opinion, I found the second trimester to be very stressful. It seems that there are so many milestones to be reaches, so many tests we need to "pass" , we become that much attached with the baby and losing it is that much harder... On these three months I worried about the AFP results, 20 weeks scan, CPC, level 2 sono, glucose test, ,pre term labor, baby movement... I am not complaining at all, just looking back at my experience. At times I felt so overwhelmed that I could barely breath. I am sure that my doc thinks I am nuts, but I don’t care, I'll keep doing whatever I think I need to do to protect my baby girl.
Last Friday I felt very uncomfortable during the day, I am sure that I am having some braxton hicks contractions. I belly felt very hard and tight. Around 5 pm I went to the bathroom and there it was : blood. Not too much, just enough to freaked me out. I was still at work. I tried to keep a straight face and said good bye to everybody and called the emergency hot line from my clinic on my way home. I must say that I am proud of myself, I did not freaked out. The doc told me that I had 2 options: Go home and relax and watch so see if some more blood comes out and come to the office to be checked by the midwife next day or go to L&D that same night. I chose to go home, and thankfully I saw no more blood, baby was moving and felt confident on my decision to stay home. Next day Dh went with me to the doctor . The midwife was great, baby sounded good and best yet cervix is high and closed and baby is head down already (of course she can move back to the breached position). The reason for the minor bleeding is that I still have a yeast infection (I dont know why my doc did not checked me on my last appointment when I told her I still had the symptoms). MW prescribed an stronger cream for me to sued for 7 days. Wait, there is more. Looks like that my constant constipation left me with another gift : hemorrhoids (sorry TMI) oh the wonders of pregnancy. Now I have to be treated for it as well.

On the fun side I think I will have 4 baby showers in he next 2 months!!!! wow, I am so excited. I've daydreamed about my baby shower for so long and now it seems that it will be real. I'll be the mom this time...

Meanwhile, I'll be counting the days to 28 weeks (third trimester) this week... 5 more days!!
Thanks for taking this ride with me, you girls rock!

In honor of Zoe and Lennox

Today it is a sad day on blogsphere. There are no words to express how shocked and heartbroken I am to find out today that AMS (http://ourowncreation.wordpress.com) after having to say good bye to her sweet son Lennox, now have to endure another loss of her baby girl Zoe. Please keep this family on your thoughts and prayers.

Call for love

Stop by JJ's blog (http://reproductivejeans.blogspot.com) and send her some love and support. She just a BFN after her FET cycle. I am so sorry my friend, my heart is broken for you

(Pregnancy mentioned)
With me things are going okay. Baby is getting a little more active and that makes me very happy (still not as much as I was feeling last week). She turned again and now is kicking on top of my belly. Yesterday something magical happened. My husband felt her for the first time! I felt some small kicks on my right side and put his hand on my belly and pressed gently. She replied with a strong kick right where his hands were... OMG, his face was priceless. It was one of the most joyous moments of my entire pregnancy so far... To have him feeling her as well is just fantastic. I am so thankful. Today we "played the same game" . 3 times I pressed my belly where I felt the kick and she kicked right back... it almost felt like a conversation!

I also called my doc and found out that I passed the glucose test, YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

We also chose a name for our little princess. We are now just deciding how to spell it ... depending how we spell it can sound like a complete different name between the 2 languages (Portuguese and English)

tomorrow I'll be 27 weeks.. one more week and I'll be on my third trimester!!!

I am really looking forward to the weekend

Bellow a recent belly pic !

6 things about me and other random thoughts

SaraP (http://saras-p.blogspot.com/) tagged everybody that read her post , so here are the rules
The Rules:
1) Link to the person that tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6) Let the fun begin!

1- I only got my driver’s license when I was 26 years old . I was terrified of driving. One day I said enough and now I can’t imagine how to live without being able to drive
2- When I was a child I suffer of night terror and anxiety… it was terrible, I had the most terrible nightmares . I still remember them today. I had to take some medication and thank got I grew out of it
3- My husband hates that about me: I don’t close the bathroom door when I go pee at home… I know, it is bad, but I always forget it. He says one day I will forget when I have visitors at home…
4- I wear granny panties (even before pregnancy). Oh well, they are not granny panties, more like the Brazilian bikini cut (yes, I still import underwear, mom sends it to me in the regular basis) but I don’t wear thongs , cant stand it. VPL were never too big of a issue in Brazil
5- When I was in high school I dated 2 brothers. Not at the same time… one right after the other LOL
6- Don t invite me for anything Thursday night at 9 pm. That is ER night I a never miss an episode. I’ve been watching ER since the first season, I was in high school. I love it… if my baby was a boy I would have named him LUKA , after my favorite doctor .
I tag Farah (Fertilize me- http://fertilizeme.blogspot.com/), Loren (baby wait- http://niniloren.blogspot.com/) and Gabby (http://vacantwomb.blogspot.com/)

On the pregnancy front things are going okay. I am almost 27 weeks ! I’ve been a little worried about the baby’s movement. Since Friday I’ve noticed that she is moving much less than last week. I try not to worry too much, but I can’t help it. Saturday I was really concerned and called the emergency number from my clinic. The doc advised me to drink coke and do kick counts. She said they don’t start counting until 30 weeks, so I should not worry about the “10 movement per hour rule” just to see if she moves at all. For the first 30 min, for my terror, she stood still. I was crying already, I poked her and nothing. I decided that it was enough that was going to go to the hospital. As I stood up and started getting dressed she woke up, jumping , kicking .. Thank God. She is still not that active, I think she moved from being in a breached position (where I could feel her much more) to being side ways and she is maybe kicking my placenta like last time. Today, I was still worried and I called my nurse. I know I am paranoiac, but I feel that I should trust my instincts and there is no reason to be suffering if I could be reassured . The nurse told me to come over just to hear her heart beat. I left work and made it there just on time before the clinic closed. As soon as get into the room to be checked and the nurse asked me what was going on and I complained about less movement , this baby girl decided to show off and started kicking hard and turning… The nurse looked at me as if I am just crazy. She almost had an attitude and gave me the eye of shame…. The heart rate was fine (thank God) . I am still worried about the movements , I wish that she moved more. I read everywhere women talking how they wake up in the middle of the night with the baby kicking , how they can see their belly moving… I just get so nervous because her movements are still so suttle. I feel silly of complaining about these things. I am just having a hard time managing my worries.
It is such a helpless feeling.


Bellow another belly pic at 26 days. I am huge!!!!!!!



Here it’s me practicing with my friend's baby girl. She is so tiny and adorable, only 32 days old. She loved sleeping on my belly. I can't wait to meet my baby girl.

She is...

and I love her more and more everyday!!!!!!!!

trying to get ready

As I read many blogs of my fellow preg blogers , it seems that the feeling of being unprepared for the arrival of our babies is a common one. I feel the same, there is so much to be done, it is scary!!!! it is overwhelming!!!!! This weekend I decided that it is time to start believing that my baby will be here in April and I better be ready... so I shift into gear and here is what I got done:
- Childcare. After many many phone calls I narrowed down to 2 options (I'll discuss the pros and cons on another post)
- I register at Babies R us and Target (that was fun, but made me scared of how much I'll need to buy!!!!)
- I enrolled on child birth class(last weekend of Feb was the earliest available)
- Started a big cleaning up on my house, including 5 big trash bags of old clothes, shoes, purses and other unused stuff around the house tat I will donate to good will. I am no where close to be done , but I am glad that I started it. Space is a big issue for me , I still live in an apartment. I've come to terms with the fact that I will not be able to have a nursery done for my baby girl. She will have to stay in our room until August when we will move to a bigger place. I;ll make the best out of it
- Started the travel arrangements for my mom to come from Brazil to stay 2 months with me.
-picked the hospital that will deliver my baby and Narrowed down my choices for paediatrician...

Still lots to do, but I guess this is a start

I had another appointment today. I did the glucose test and I hear form my doc later. I am glad that I gained only 2 pounds through the holidays even though I look huge. I am not kidding, people think that I am due anytime . Baby;s heart sounded strong and loud. She is still breached and using my bladder as a trampoline... I put together those 2 pics to see how big I am getting. First pic at 16 weeks and next at 24 weeks... and I still have lots to grow!!!!!

Level 2 sono, DH bday and belly pics

The level 2 sono went very well today. Baby looks great. The doc looked at every single detail of her and it was just perfect. The cyst is indeed gone (Thank you God!). Doc said the fact that the cyst was once there placed me in some risk for Trissomy 18... however my AFP results and level 2 sono were just great, what makes my risk low again... anyway, what he wants to say is that he cant guarantee 100%, only amniocentesis would but he does not recommend given the perfect sono findings. I say that is good enough, I am happy with the results!

She is measuring 2 weeks ahead, already 2.2 pounds!!... a big girl!!!!
As you can see , baby is not the only getting big... I am getting huge to say the least ... I am loving it
23 weeks and 2 days (New year's eve)


24 weeks



Today was DH's bday, the sono was the best gift ever.... I also got a little creative and gave him a personal bday card! needless to say that he loved it

Baby Pictures

I'll scan the pictures later. For now I took a picture of the picture. I know that It is not the best quality but that she is:

I finally got a profile picure!!!!


Hi friends , here I am


I know most people cant see it, but here she has her mouth open and looks like she is smiling at me

Just Perfect

My little girl looks just perfect , healthy and happy.... I am so glad I went to the doc because I had the best sono experience so far. The radiologist was so sweet. The baby changed position and her legs are kicking my placenta making the movement less noticeable. She was very active with her little hands waving up in the air saying hi mommy!!!! I even got a perfect profile picture (I'll include it later). The best news was that the CYST IS GONE, her little head is clear, Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!! everything else looked great, placenta, amniotic fluid, cervix, no UTI anymore... I can breath now... I am sure that I over reacted, but the peace of mind that I have now is just priceless! I am still going to the level 2 sono on Monday....
Thank you all
Now I can enjoy my weekend : anniversary tomorrow and DH's birthday Sunday

That is it

Last night I reached my peak of stress. I could not sleep all night long because baby is still not moving much... So today I woke up and called the office, i dont care if they think that I am over dramatic. I demanded to see my doc instead of the midwife ( she was not even aware of all the drama, UTI, yeast infection , pain...). After breaking down with the nurse on the phone, and she insisting that not feeling much movement at 24 weeks is normal bla bla bla she called my doc that called me back and asked to come in for a sono today at 1:40 and another UTI test. I am scared to death! please little girl be fine!
I'll get back tom you as soon as I know something

PS' you girls rock, thanks for all the sweet words of encouragement

I am sorry about another down post

I am so overwhelmed with this pregnancy , it seems like I never get a break. I am constantly worrying (which I know is a common thing among all of us expecting). Since Dec 22nd I’ve been having lots of pain on my pelivic area, pressure and discomfort. I went to see the nurse on the 24th, they sent my urine to the lab and on the 26th (late afternoon) I got a call (after calling million times) that I indeed had an UTI. On the 24th I bagged the nurse to check my cervix, and after bitching for a minute the midwife came and just felt me and said that everything was closed but never checked for any vaginal infection. That left me with some spotting and mucus discharge that freaked me out. I Called the emergency hot line many times and the doc on call was never my doc . I started on antibiotics and after 7 days the symptoms are still here and worse the baby is not as active as she ahs been in the past 2 weeks. I called the office again, after many phone calls they agree to see me to check my urine again yesterday. UTI is gone (just still sugar in my urine that might indicate that I indeed have gestational diabetes) , but sure enough I have a vaginal infection that may be the source of spotting… more antibiotics. Apparently I am also dehydrated, I’ve been avoiding drinking too much water because I can barely function at work as it is, and if I drink too munch water I’ll have to transfer my desk to the bathroom. The midwife heard the baby yesterday and the heart sounded just great. But why is she not moving much? Is she just having a lazy week? I stay still for minutes almost holding my breath to try to feel her move but the kicks don’t feel as strong as before. Is it normal? Can it be because of all the medication I’ve been on lately? Anybody???! I feel that I have done all that I could to make sure that she is okay, now is up to her and God… I feel so helpless! With all this drama, my doc is not even aware of what is going on…
Next Monday I’ll have the level 2 sono to check for the CPC and any other markers for chromosomal abnormalities. I guess that I know how’s things really are that day. I am so scared… meanwhile, I’ll try to act normal, still have lots of work to do, next weekend it will be my 7th anniversary and nephew’s 7th birthday (he was born the same day we got married). Monday (the day of the sono) it is DH’s birthday, I hope I can give him the best gift ever , but to be honest I am afraid to ruin his day forever. I wish I could fall into a deep sleep and wake up only on Monday! I am reaching my limit…