And you feel like no-one before... Happy 3rd birthday my Lyla!

When Lyla was born her dad, being a musician, carefully chose the first song that she would ever hear … He picked a gorgeous song just for her.
He was really upset that the Dr. ruined his plans by having music on at the OR and Lyla was born at the sound of “Patience” by Guns N' Roses instead.
As soon as we reached the room, me still groggy from all the meds and Lyla peacefully sleeping, he pulled his cell phone and played her song :

“original of species” by U2 (click to hear the music). I had listened to it all my pregnancy and I could believe that I was holding her now and that song meant so much…
“You are the fist one of you kind and you feel like no one before…”

I haven’t listened to this song in a long time. Yesterday Lyla was playing with her baby dolls and I heard her humming some song. What are you singing Lyla? My song mommy…
I paid close attention and sure enough she was singing “her song”… I was transported to that moment at the hospital, the 3 of us and her song filling the room with the magical love of having just met the love of my life

I didn’t not know that but her dad has been playing the song to her and she knows almost all the lyrics. She knows it is her song and she beamed with happiness when I played for her on my cell phone. She slept listening to it, holding my cell phone… humming, so happy… a big girl now, a far cry from that helpless newborn who first listened to this song on march 30th 2008.

… and she feel like no one before!

VIDEO
"And you feel like no-one before
You steal right under my door
And I kneel 'cause I want you some more
I want the lot of what you got
And I want nothing that you're not..."

I will never forget the first time I saw you... I will never forget how empty life felt without you and how much I waited to have you in my arms, to call you mine...





You are a big kid now, all the signs of babyhood and even toddlerhood are now long gone. No more diapers (Potty training took awhile but you got it), no more Paci (It was much easier than I thought), and no more crib (though you prefer my bed, you do enjoy you big girl bed). The 2's were amazing, your personality, vocabulary, motor skills all have developed so much. We went through a rough patch called the terrible twos, but we both learned and found a new rhythm. You are so independent, so funny, outspoken, smart, sweet, caring... You are my constant companion, my best friend, my best girl ever as you like to say. I cant even phantom my life without you my Lyla. I love your little voice, you are like a humming bird , always singing and filling my life with pure joy. You favorite songs are "you are my sunshine", "quanto sinto seu toque", "you never let gp" and all the church songs. You love your church and that makes me so happy. You love school (Ms. Lefan) and your little friends. You love barbies and legos (gifts from Santa), playing with your toy kitchen, putting your babies to sleep, white "chloclat" ice cream, apple juice, fancy Nancy books, Toy story movie, tumbling class (you are a pro on the balance beam). I am so excited for yet another exciting year ahead of us.
















Happy 3rd Birthday my Lyla

I love you forever and ever


Your Mommy!

Happy 3rd birthday Class of 2008!

I remember the wave of BFP mid/late 2007. We were pregnant together. We went through the scares and excitement of pregnancy together. Our babies were born in 2008, some with days apart. We watched them grow at each other's blog. We learned together as mothers.... we celebrated so many milestones together. Now the class of 2008 has turned/ or is turning 3 soon! How exciting is that!?

I tell Lyla about your babies, who are now big boys and big girls. She loves seeing the pictures, the videos... I feel as if I know each one of them. I wish one day our kids can play together!


HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY CLASS OF 08!!!

Love you all


Here is the Original post from 09. I full list of all the birthdays of the blog babies born on 08. Take time to visit and reconnect. An if you are not on the list, I will add you odd. Just let me know

Yesterday I hang this on lyla's bedroom. She wore it when she was 3 months old, she is a big girl now... time flies, our babies are growing!

As Lyla's first birthday fast approaches I start to think about all of you that have been in this journey with us. I remember back in June/July/August/September 2007 when many of us starting getting BFP all at once. Serenity, Amy, Dellenn, Caro, Learn to breath-Amanda, And Baby Makes Three, BellyBug, Kicking You From The Inside, Neenie,Hopeful to Hateful in 28 days,Oscar wants a pl@ym@te. Life is good ... OMG, so many of us ( I am sure I am forgetting somebody, please help me to add on to the list). It was so exciting to be finally part of it, not to feel left behind. I remember the thrill of the first betas, then the heartbeat, the challenges and wonders of the pregnancies, the excitement of the births... Reading your blogs kept me calm, receiving your commends was so awesome, the encouragement, the support. YOU GUYS ROCK! . There was a second wave of BFP and they also made the class of 2008: fertilized, baby Moxie, Pig P and me, The onliner, Bea, Not like I thought it would be... (come on Help me) Then the babeis were here! I think Swim was the first of the class of 2008... Then Luke, Brooklyn, baby O, Mason, , Lyla, Willow, baby T, Claire, Giulia, Lily, kate, MT, katherine, Prata baby, D0n0van... (again I am forgetting names, please help me! and I am not sure with the order is right).
I also remember the heartbreaks, the ones that should be here. My heart aches for their mommy and Daddy. Sara's baby (I am glad she her precious girl now- the head of class of 2009), Sylvia, Claire, Lucy, Devin, Silas,Doodles...I am so sorry , I wish you were all here with us.

It was amazing to have you all to share the joys of motherhood during this first year, the challenges, the insecurity, the frustrations, the happiness, excitement, discoveries... Our babies grew up "together", we grew together! and forever we will share this bond. It's time to celebrate, happy birthday to you all!

Help me to creat a list of the 'graduates" of the class of 2008!

FEBRUARY
- -Seth, born February 19, 2008. After 2 years of secondary infertility, we got our BFP on July 4, 2007.
- Luke, born 2-25-08 after 13 months of TTC

MARCH
- The Nugget and the Jumping Bean born March 6, 2008 (1 year already!). After 4 years of trying, 2 rounds of Clomid - double blessing! Born at 29w5d, they spent 8 weeks in the NICU and then they got to come home to stay


- Brooklyn, born March 10, 2008 - We got our BFP on July 17, 2008 - She is our little fighter and a dream come true!


- Mason, born March 12, 2008 (Happy Birthday tomorrow). After 2 1/2 years of trying we got our BFP on June 30, 2007! Mason was conceived after our first Donor Sperm IUI

- Baby O, born March 17, 2008, after 3 years, 3 fresh cycles of IVF, 3 frozen cycles, 3 surgeries. BFP from IVF #3 on July 28, 2007.



- Sacha, born march 29, 2008. We got our BFP on July 10, 2007 after 2 years of trying, and 5 injectible+IUI cycles.

- Lyla , Born March 30th, 2008. After 3 years of TTC and 1 miscarriage, I got my BFP (clomid baby) on August 17 2007.

APRIL
-Lily Grace, born April 4, 2008 (4+4=08) After 4 years of trying, 2 heartbreaking miscarriages, 2 IVF cycles we got our BFP in August 2007!

-Claire Elizabeth blessed us April 22, 2008, 7 weeks early. Spent 27 days in the NICU and was finally able to come home and complete our family on May 18, 2008.

-Willow, born April 24, 2008. After 5 years trying for a sibling for Michael, we got our BFP in August, 2007.

-Giulia Nyer (Nair) - blessed us on 4/30/2008, after (previous) failed marriages, broken dreams, shattered hopes... and then finally.... absolute love, bliss and renewed faith.

- Baby T: born April 30, after 2 miscarriages and 2 years of trying to get pregnant before the BFP.

MAY
- Zachary Michael, born May 7, 2008 after TTC for 26 cycles! :)

-Jonah, born Mother's Day, May 11th, after 20 months infertility, 3 rounds of Clomid, 1 Clomid + IUI, and conceived on the Hail Mary rest cycle before my injectables + IUI

- Valerie Lynn, born May 15, 2008. Unexplained infertility, 32 BFNs, third clomid cycle. BFP was October 5 by HPT. LMP was August 28. Funny how all those dates stick in the mind.

JUNE
- Austin (MT) born June 10, 2008 after 6 yrs of trying. Injectible Medicated IUI#2 Oct. 8, 2007, BFP Oct 24, 2007

- Cohen, born on his due date June 10, 2008. We were extremely fortunate to conceive on our first round of Clomid, ending our relatively short battle with secondary infertility.


- Peaches and Plum, arrived early June 26, 2008,. After 3+ years of treatment, 3 IVF attempts, one blighted ovuum and lots of tears. After 2 months in the NICU we finally made The Snake a big brother.


JULY
- Nathaniel, born July 26, 2008 after 2+ years trying and 2 angels in heaven


-Eisley Paige, born on July 30, 2008 after 2 1/2 years of trying (one fresh IVF cycle, and one FET).

AUGUST
- AJ born August 7th, 2008 after 2 years of trying. 10 IUI's and 1 IVF...

- Samuel Patrick placed with us on August 25, 2008 after 4 years of secondary infertility.

SEPTEMBER

-Donovan, born Sept 29, placed with us Oct 1, after 6 years of trying.
-Evelynn and Lennon were born in September (and now we're expecting again! lol)


OCTOBER

- Katherine Faye born October 4, 2008 after 5 IUIs, many medicated cycles, and 2.5 years of trying.


NOVEMBER
- Cullen Rhys was born November 18th, 2008 (w/ a BFP on March 16th, 2008) after 2.5 years of trying, 1 twin m/c and 5 medicated IUI's.


DECEMBER
-Elizabeth, born December 3, 2008, after seventeen cycles and one miscarriage

- Trip & Jack born 12/11/2008. After a few years of no success and an ectopic pregnancy we got our BFP on our first round of Clomid 04/18/2008

- Bayla Margaret and Nathan Brian were born December 23, 2008. Our miracles arrived as a result of our 2nd fresh IVF after 3 years of trying, 30+ cycles, multiple failed IUI's, one cancelled IVF, and 2 failed FET's.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!

Perfect moment Monday: Lyla's birth story!

Lyla recently watched her birth video and hasn't stopped taking about ever since. The video shows her crying right after birth then the nurse brings her close to my head and I kiss her and she stops crying. They cover her with a "towel" and gave to daddy and she cries again... This is Lyla's version of her birth story LOL. Her dad was the one who had the great idea to show her the video and she "wrote" a letter about it all and read it to mommy! just too cute and funny! Enjoy

WATCH VIDEO
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca2XuLsNNAI

That old feeling

I am so very happy for all the "I am having baby # 2" announcements... I really am. But some days these news are hard to take( Like that old feeling when I was childless hearing all the "I am pregnant" announcements)

and I wonder... will I ever? Will I ever have at least the change to try again? will I ever see those 2 pink lines again? Will I ever hold a brand new baby in my arms and call him/her mine?... Will I ever trust anybody again with this huge commitment to parent a child together with me?

I am afraid that Lyla will be a big sister not because I am giving her this gift. I am not sure how I will handle that.

I know, its irrational. I should be grateful for what I have. For Lyla. She is such a gift already!

But is it that wrong to want something more? I want it under the right circumstances. I want to be free to enjoy my happiness without a huge gray cloud over my head like it was during Lyla's first year.
I dont want it all... but I want more, so much more.