I am so very happy for all the "I am having baby # 2" announcements... I really am. But some days these news are hard to take( Like that old feeling when I was childless hearing all the "I am pregnant" announcements)
and I wonder... will I ever? Will I ever have at least the change to try again? will I ever see those 2 pink lines again? Will I ever hold a brand new baby in my arms and call him/her mine?... Will I ever trust anybody again with this huge commitment to parent a child together with me?
I am afraid that Lyla will be a big sister not because I am giving her this gift. I am not sure how I will handle that.
I know, its irrational. I should be grateful for what I have. For Lyla. She is such a gift already!
But is it that wrong to want something more? I want it under the right circumstances. I want to be free to enjoy my happiness without a huge gray cloud over my head like it was during Lyla's first year.
I dont want it all... but I want more, so much more.
3 comments:
Focus on the here and now and remember you never know what's going on behind closed doors so it's not the grass is greener when your grass is beautiful already!
I have every hope for you. Mostly, that one day you will look back on whatever is about to unfold and will feel as if you've been truly blessed.
Bea
Yes, you have every right to have happiness again (and to feel bad about the announcements of others already at that goal). And it will happen on your schedule. :-) [[hugs]]
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