9 months

Yes, my baby girl is 9 months old. Her personality is just amazing. She is sweet , playful, loving, smart, knows what she wants, . Cruising has been her favorite thing. She goes everywhere holding on to the furniture. 9 months is such meaningful age, I guess is a kind of rebirth for both us.
Happy new year for all of us. Its has to get better right?
Thanks for all you support. Today I feel a little stronger , but fear still has a grip in my heart. Yesterday a friend came over and it was so good to have her playing with Lyla while I could put things in order. Why is it when everything else is a mess we feel a urge to clean? I took all my Christmas decorations out. It just seemed so out of place all these cheerful decorations around the house . As I boxed the tree, the ornaments I could not help but wonder where will I be next year when I open that box to do it all over again. I guess only time will tell us. I worked so hard on my 20's to have my life all figured out and now I am forced to start all over again... I can do this, I can do this!
But enough of that, Happy 9 months sweet Lyla:

Than the rain storm came over me,

and I felt my spirit break...

They say it takes a village to raise a child....Oh God , I hope they are wrong because I am alone on that quest for now on.

1 year ago on the 29th I lost my grandfather, today one year later I lost the dream of the family I've waited for long to have. I can't possibly put into words the pain and the fear I feel right now. I have have so many decisions do make and this weight on my shoulders just keeps on the ground. I try to close my eyes and imagine what to do and my heart sinks to the floor. I can't say I did not see it coming, but the timing of it all just puts a special touch. 2008, the year that I was on the of the world and the year I reached the button. I loved him with all I had, I believed on the forever, I believed on the foundation of family, I believed in romantic love... I still do, but its just no longer my reality. I pray for wisdom and strength . I can do this, I will find happiness eventually. I feel I've failed her , but God knows I tried ,I tried with all I had but I failed her. She deserves better, much better . I have to put myself together for our sake, but for tonight I'll cry. ,

Gone too soon

Today I opened her blog to see how she was doing, just to find out that Emilie from lemmondrops went to be with God on the night of the 23rd. My heard is broken for her husband and her 2 little ones. As a mother I can only imagine how hard is must have been for her to know that she would not be there to raise her two boys. Her husband said well, she is now free of pain and suffering, it just seems she was gone too soon.
less than 2 months ago she wrote on her blog
"Sometimes my desire to live, to hold onto this world, hits me full force, like it did this morning when I was driving across the Mississippi River with Daniel on the way to the mall, and the chilly air winked with sunshine, and K.D. Lang's version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" was playing on the CD player, and I turned around to see how Daniel was liking the song, and we held each others' gaze just long enough until I needed to watch the road again, and tears came to my eyes because I love this life, this music, this autumn, my family, so much. "

It is so sad hat she did even get chance to celebrate Christmas with her family. That Ben's first Christmas will always be a reminder of such a sad time...

Merry Christmas

There are so many of us celebrating first Christmas this year, I am so excited! Mason, Willow, CLaire, Luke, Baby O, MT, Brynn, Swim, Brooklyn, Cate, Pepper, Katherine, Lily,... and the list goes on and on MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Life as we know it can change so fast...

I read this and my heart broke in a million pieces for Emilie from Lemmondrops. Please go over and give her some support
Life as we know it can change so fast... so let's cherish what we have today.

Christmas MeMe

Got this from Delenn
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper. I am not good at wrapping though so I end up buying gift bags
2. Real tree or Artificial? I really would love a real one, but it is too expensive. I just got my first big artificial tree (gift of a dear friend of mine) I LOVE IT!
3. When do you put up the tree? Whenever I have time, ideally the day after thanksgiving.
4. When do you take the tree down? Jan 6th
5. Do you like eggnog? Hate it.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? Tea set
7. Hardest person to buy for? my friend Maria, she has everything
8. Easiest person to buy for? My husband, he has a long list , many choices. This year aslo Lyla , she would be happy with only the wrapping paper
9. Do you have a nativity scene? yes
10. Mail or e-mail Christmas Card? Both
11. Worst Christmas gift you have ever received? A spice rack from a dollar store
12. Favorite Christmas movie? Elf, home alone
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Before I was a mommy I had time to start early,. This year I haven’t even started it. I am planning to go power shopping on Saturday, wish me luck!
14. Have you every recycled a Christmas present? yep
15. Favorite things to eat at Christmas? Brazilian food , just like I use to have back home
16. Lights on the tree? yep
17. Favorite Christmas Song? Have many
18. Traveling at Christmas or stay at home? Home
19. Can you name all of Santa's Reindeer? Just Rudolph
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning? Both
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? The cold temperatures. I grew up with warm Christmas
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? red
24. Favorite ornament? Baby’s first Christmas ornament… I waited for so long to have one of those in my tree.
25. Favorite for Christmas Dinner? Turkey
26. What do you want for Christmas this year? Love , family , health
27. Favorite holiday tradition? In Brazil , "Santa" puts our gifts under the bed. I’ll do this year for my daughter , some under the tree and one special one under the bed.
28.Favorite holiday drink? Don’t have one
29. Do you want a White Christmas even if you live some place you can not have one? Not Christmas eve but I would not mind Christmas day.
30. Do you hang Mistletoe? No

tired

The weather here has been terrible, I am so tired of snow and single digits temperatures (it is 1 degree today ). It took me 2 hours to get to work yesterday because of snow. I am very tired in general, work has not been productive, I am bored and all I wanted is to be home or Christmas shopping. I haven't had time to buy gifts or send cards yet... I did manage to get my tree up this weekend. My first big tree !!!!!! I am so excited. Lyla has been in a very bad mood. She is teething again and because of that she does not sleep well, she still sleep in bed with me because many reasons(more on that later). I am also very tired emotionally, I am trying to focus on the good (Lyla) but everything else is falling apart. I have many posts to write but for now I am avoiding to go to that place where I confront my emotions because it has been already very hard to keep the Holiday's spirit up. I feel the weight of the new year on my shoulders and it is heavy, the heavy weight of the unknown. It is in God's hand, he is in control, not me. I have been reading about so much heartache amongst us in the blogland. My heart goes out to each one of them, you know who you are... I pray for you my friends , pray for us, that the happiness and completeness that we fought to have for so long can finally be what define our lives. I long for this day.


Here some pics of our adventures. Even though is hard , I am still smiling!!!!!!! I have to, for her... because of her

Indroducing ...

Rudolf


Being hands free comes with a price... my poor baby! I felt so terrible for her , it was a big fall, nose first., she cried so much but I guess this comes with trying to be independent. Now she will be for Christmas Lyla red-nosed baby

Hands free

I can't believe it, she is trying to stand up on her own. It happened last night. I freaked out ,.I got the camera and after a while she did it again.... It last 2-3 seconds. My 8 month girl seems to be very adventurous

My gift arrived early!

The gift tag reads: Mom and Dad's best gift ever... indeed

Who is this big girl?

She is growing up so fast, I want to freeze time

Her new favorite think:



Lyla comtempleting her first snow Sunday November 30th



She loved Santa

Happy 8 months!

what an incredible month this was! so many milestones. She got 2 teeth, mastered crawling and standing up, learned how to say dada, mamma and yummy, started trying to feed herself... She is a big girl now, full of personality and charisma. I am having so much fun seeing you discover the world my sweet girl. You amaze me everyday. I love your smile, your giggles, the way you say yummy when you are eating and say more in sign language, your curious face when you are exploring new things, your proud look when you figure out something new... the way you only want me when you are tired, the way to celebrate when I go pick you up at day care, your hugs, you baby smell ... I love you more and more everyday Happy 8 months!!!!!! I can wait to celebrate the Holidays with you, I am sure it will be so much fun!!!!!!!!

here are some pics form the past month!

I am Thankful

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!

Celebrate!

here are some pics of my bday celebrations. Thrusday we went out for dinner and yesterday I threw myself a party for 15 people at my apartment. I worked very hard but it was worth. This year was extra special because I had a guest of honor: lyla, my daughter, my baby!!!!!! she wore a dress that was mine when I was a baby, how special is that? Thank you all for the bday wishes, you amm made feel very special.

Happy 30 to me!

That is it

My last day on my 20's... I'll try to make the most ou it! LOL


PS: thanks for all your support

Another great man is gone

In the past year I've lost many friends and totay I got the news that yet another one is gone. When I was 12 weeks pregnant I lost a great friend from church here . Eldon was a father figure for my husband and I here in the United States... After a long battle with brain cancer he was gone and he never met Lyla. Than Last December my grandfather, my dearst grandfather died. I was devastated, I was his first grandchild out of 30. He helped my mother raise me when my father walked out on us , he was funny, loving, caring, full of life. My childhood was the best I could have had in great part because of him. Lyla was his 10th great grandchild, but he never met her. Last Monday I got the terrible news that the father of one our best friends in Brazil died of an heart attack. Growing up he was like a father for my husband. I'll never forget how happy he was the day we got married. He called us when Lyla was born, but she will never meet him. Than today, today I got the most horrible news. Our pastor in Brazil was shot in the chest by a guy that was trying to break into his house. He was doing okay , the bullet missed major organs and he we were told that he would be fine. Last night a blood clot traveled to his lung and he died. My husband is devasted. He married DH parents, baptized DH and his brothers, was there when DH's father died, married us and his brothers. It is so sad to see he go like that, victim of the brutal violence that is growing more and more in my country. Yet another great man that my daughter will not have the honor to meet. I hope that she will have the privilege to meet many great mnn like these that are gone. I learned many lessons from them and I will forever miss each one of them

Dear pastor, I know that today you are in better place. Thanks for being such a role model, an example of integrity and passion for his ministry. You left a life long impact in our lives.

Countdown

In one week I will say bye bye to my 20's. It seems surreal , I remember vividly asking my mom how old she was and she said : I am 30... now I WILL be 30. I have no problems with age but this birthday feels different. I feel a need to look back, to reevaluate, to regroup... I may sound sad, but I am not. I am just melancholic and nostalgic. 10 years ago I had many dreams and I am thankful that many of them became reality. I had no idea the prices I would have to pay to get there but I can look back and say that and I am proud of myself. I am proud the way I held my own, how I kept my integrity, the way I stayed true to myself and my values . I have many more dreams left in me: old ones that never came to be in the past decade and news ones to this new decade. Eve though I like my 30 self better than my 20 young self, I miss sometimes being that naive (I miss being many pounds lighter as well LOL), because I now have an awareness that stops me from just dreaming for the sake of dreaming, without thinking about the road that will get me there. I will lie if I tell you that I am not scared. I am both scared and excited though. I will bring with me the lessons that I learned, the memories of the good times, the friends I made, the fruit of my hard work and more importantly the ones I love specially my sweet baby girl, the one that I love the most!
Join me in this countdown to my 30's (nov 20th) as I travel down menory lane...
more to come!!!!!!!!!

If you look close

you can see that she has 2 teeth!

Lyla Speaks

and is NOT mamma... She said Dadda... several times, and it is clear that she knows who Dadda is. She looks right at him and says Daaaaaaaaaaaaddaaaaaaaaaaaa.... I am so excited but also jealous LOL. I am almost brain washing her saying so many times MAMMA , MAMMA.... and she answers right back : DADDAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

This has been an incredible week for her. Hearing her "talking' is just amazing, she has also mastered going from crawling position to sitting up all by herself. She can lift up her sip cup and have a drink whenever she wants. She is crawling (just very short distance) but she has clearly figured out how to move her arms and legs to get somewhere. She is still not playing with her feet like many kids do. Does is mean something?
Solids are going well. That girl can eat like a champ. I am loving cooking her baby food and she loves eating it.
As for sleep, she is a terrible sleeper. I am going crazy because she does not sleep. She will not go down until 11 pm. From the moment I pick her up at day care until 9 pm she is all energy. She wants do play and explore her new skills. But from 9 pm tp 11pm, she is sooooooooooo tired, in the worst mood and she will not sleep. I tried let her cry, i tried rocking her, nothing works. By that time we are both having a meltdown. My husband does not get home until 9:30 -10 and i think that is one of the reason. She wants daddy time and she is awake for him. I basically have no times in the evenings to even eat. She is good about playing by herself, but I still can't do much. She wakes up 2-3 times a night, still wants to eat.... On the weekends is no problem because she sleeps until 9 -9:30 and we can sleep in(she thinks she is a teenager) . On week days I have to wake her up to get her ready to daycare and she gets soooooooooooo upset! sometimes I get her dressed, put on the car seat and she does not wake up. I don't know what to do, she ends up most of the nights on out bed, and neither of us sleep well because of it. As a result one of us ends up leaving the bed and sleeping on the sofa. Our nigths are rough and that does not help the mood next day. She is such a happy baby, she does not cry much, is good about playing, but the sleep thing is really killing us in many levels! any suggestions?
I almost forgot, she got 2 theeth... the days of thsi thoothless smiles are almost over!!!!!!!

We witnessed history tonight...

I am so happy and hopeful... little lyla has no idea but tonight a new season has begun. Learn my little baby, anything is possible with hard work and perseverance. YES WE CAN...YES YOU CAN
Congratulations PRESIDENT OBAMA!!!!!!!! PLEASE USE YOUR POWER WISELY...

Don't forget to vote

I would if I could...

Lyla is also ready for election day, because a girl got have something new to wear for every special occasion!




HAPPY ELECTION DAY

The colors of fall

Have a great week everybody

The first of many!!!!!!!!!!!