Happy New year

First of all I would like to thank you all for the kind words of support for my family and I. We really appreciate it. We are all doing fine considering the circumstances. It is just to sad to lose the patriarch of our family. He will be greatly missed.

Even though the year is ending in a sad note I can’t deny that I still have lots to be happy about. This was a year of great milestones:
- I was blessed with a BFP in August following almost 3 years of waiting That in itself is the biggest blessing I could have asked for. Even though I have many scares, my pregnancy is progressing well and I am enjoying every single minute of it. I pray that my next scan on the 7th can confirm that indeed my baby girl is fine and I can just concentrate 100% on getting ready for her arrival April 2008
- I also finished my PhD. After 5 years of pharmacy school,1 year of English and 4 more years of graduate school. I am done !!!!!!!!!
- I started my first job as a post doc
- Dh was promoted at his job and now is the producer of special events and sound engineer of a big church (12,000 members) in town. I am so proud of him. He loves music and this job is a great fit for his musical and computer skills.
- My Niece A was born last September. She is now 3 months old! Niece S turned 2 and Nephew C is almost 7. Love you guys
- My sister celebrated her first wedding anniversary after losing her first husband almost 4 years ago in a tragic accident only 10 month after she got married. So this 1 year celebration was extra special and she is very happy with her new husband . Love you and miss you baby sister
- My baby brother got into law school! Congratulations, we are very proud of you
- Even though I lost my grandfather , I still have 3 of my grandparents alive, and I feel very privileged to still have them with me. Mom and dad are still young and healthy. I miss them greatly
- I met many special women through my blog and made good friends through the Braces Bunch. Love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!
- My marriage is still going strong after almost 7 years. I love you hobby, it still feels like the first kiss every time!!!
And the list goes on and on… I have so much to be thankful for!

Happy new year to all fo you! I am hoping and praying for many BFP and many cute healthy babies to be born and adopted this year!

Hugs and thanks again for all your support

Good bye Grandpa

I've always took proud on saying that I still had all my grandparents. Today however, I can,t no longer say this. After over 2 months in the hospital my Grandfather passed today at the age of 81 from a heart attack due to the asthma and pneumonia complications. I am deeply sad and all I wanted was to be in Brazil right now with my family. It is so difficult to be far way
He was an amazing man and left behind many loved ones: His wife (Grandmother- 78 years old), 8 daughters , 4 sons, 32 grandchildren ( I am the oldest), and nine great grandchildren (counting with my baby girl), countless friends and other family members. We will all going to miss him immensely
I'll make sure that my little one hears about him, about the greatest memories I have of him... LOVE YOU GRANDFATHER

Please keep my family on your thoughts and prayers

A letter to my girl

Dear Baby
Marry Christmas! That was the best Christmas that I ever had because you are here with us. I’ve waited for this for so so long. I remember last year during this time, I felt so empty and sad and now here I am filled with happiness because of you. Feeling you moving is just phenomenal and I could not have asked for a better gift. But I have to confess something, happiness and joy are not the only things on my heart these days. I am filled with fear and worry. I worry about you all the time, so much so that is becoming unbearable. From day one, actually even before you came to be, I worried about you. I first worried if I would be ever able to conceive... I waited for almost 3 years and than came the 2 lines and I worried about the beta values…. After that came symptom watch, they came and went and I wondered if you were really here, if the pregnancy was progressing well. One happy morning.. "There it is, a heartbeat (127 bpm") said the doctor. Really doctor, really? I replied amazed by what I saw and heard. Daddy and I were so happy and thankful. What a relief! Even though now I knew that you were here, the joy did not last long, because I worried if you were growing and developing properly… I was afraid to lose you like our first baby. Morning sickness, hungry and sleepy all the time, heartburn, you name it, I had it all and I loved it every minute of it!!! except for the UTI at 9 weeks(not fun). I counted the days to 12 weeks, they say that I would feel safer after that. However, before the 12 weeks came I saw the blood… OMG, my worries just multiplied a 1000 fold. I ran to the doctor’s office to find out that you were okay (thank God!). What a scare, what a relief! I rested for a few days and the counting down to 12 weeks continued. 12 WEEKS, 2nd trimester, YAY!!!!!! Wait a minute, I am still worrying. What’s now mom? You might ask…. Why am I not showing yet? why my symptoms went way? a few weeks after that I finally popped. I definitely looked pregnancy at 16 weeks and I loved it. Now I can breathe and enjoy the ride right? In a few weeks I would know if you were a boy or a girl. Before that I waited to feel you move for the first time, and it happened at 16 weeks, YAY! But why don’t I feel you all the time??? Is it suppose to feel like kicks yet? Sometimes I stood still for minutes trying to feel you, and when it happened I could not happen and just giggle and thank God for you. 19 weeks, IT’S a GIRL! Our girl…our precious little girl. The sonogram showed us something else as well. I little cyst on your head! My heart dropped to the floor . Everything else looked good , but that little cyst took my peace way. I want to enjoy this experience , I promise baby but I am still worrying . Dr. goggle says that the odds are good , a second sono 2 weeks after showed that the cyst is smaller and that you’re still growing and moving as you should. Christmas time, what I joy! . An unexpected Christmas gift put me on my toes again. UTI, cystitis, traces of blood and sugar in my urine, pain … I called my doctor several times, I even went to see the Midwife on Christmas even. I demanded to be checked, I want to hear and make sure that your little house is closed. UTI it is, so it looks, off I went back home with my little pills. Now, it will be fine right? I have some magic pills that makes me pee orange and makes my pain go way. Now I am worrying about something else. I know that is TMI but I have to vent , one day you will understand me. You’re a girl, right? After my pelvic exam I starting having some clear mucous discharge, can it be that I am going in pre –term labor? that this my mucous plug? Please baby, please stay there, it is too soon, it is too soon. I have no pain, just that thick mucous discharge. I am sick and worried again , like a dark cloud above my head that follows me every where , even though I pretend that it is not there. Tomorrow I’ll call doctor again, and they make me feel like I am a paranoiac first time mom, just worrying for nothing because I am clueless. Little do they know that my problem is the opposite, I know too much. I wish I didn’t , I wish that I could let it go and focus on you, only you… my dearest daughter. I feel like a nut, the doctors and nurses certainly make me feel like one because I cant stop worrying , asking, searching , wondering…after all it is in my nature to do all these things. However, now is different because I feel that I am fighting for you, and if there is anything that I can do to protect you , I will, I promise that I will.On the other hand , I bet that this will never end, I will always worry about you, because you and your dad are the most precious things in my life, and losing you is not a option anymore… I will lose myself if this happens. Stay here, be healthy and I promise that I will do all in my power to always protect you . I don’t know if I will always be successful, but be sure that I will try!
Please know that I not only worry , but I also pray, pray to God protect you, because He, on the other hand, never fails!
Love you
Your mom

All I want for Christmas is you!

I feel very blessed and I'll never forget where I came from! and the road that got me here...


My wish for you all still TTC is a BFP soon , a healthy pregnancy to make all your motherhood wishes come true...


For those of you already pregnancy, may the rest of your pregnancies go by smoothly and may we all meet our cute healthy babies soon!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY SISTERS!!!!!!!!!!!Love you all

Update on my baby girl

Today I had another appointment. I was not expecting to have a scan done today, but the doc got confused (she though that she saw me 4 weeks ago instead of 2 weeks) and as soon as she got in the room, she asked me : did you have your sono yet? Of course I did not remind her of the small detail that sono was scheduled for the first week of Jan LOL!. So , I got the pleasure to see baby girl again. The cyst was still there, but much smaller! went from 0.9 cm to less than 0.4 cm... SO , it is good news that in 2 weeks it went down more than 50%. Baby looked good , she was actually moving this time. The measurements were good, including the long bone (femur). Heart, kidneys, tummy and everything else looked good. The only thing that got me worried is that her hands were closed, I read somewhere that it maybe a bad sign for trisomy 18. On the other hand nurse said that most babies have their little hands closed. I drove the radiologist crazy with so many questions, she said I as the worse she has ever had! I guess she prefers the naive moms that have no idea about soft markers for chromosomal disorders. To be honest, I wish I did not have to know...
Anyway, since the cyst is still here my doc requested a level 2 sono to be done next Jan 7. This sono was such nice Xmas gift!!! My doc said I tricked her... LOL I am very happy that the cyst is getting smaller and that we will do the level 2 sono to hopefully give me complete confidence that she is okay.

Daddy's little girl

My husband grew up with only boys, 2 brothers , several guy cousins... so he always said he wanted a boy. Fast forward to the day of our scan, the radiologist says: ITS A GIRL... he was in shock! he was so scared, afraid that he would not know how to be father of a girl. How I am going to take care of such precious little thing??? What if I can;t relate with her? . Not that he was not happy, but he was just plain scared... Fast forward to 3 days ago and for my surprise he gets home with bags of pink stuff for his new baby girl. Yes, he went shopping, by himself and bought all the pink stuff he could get his hands on... so sweet! He now says all the time: how are my girls doing??? I love when he says that, I love see him getting excited about having a baby girl as if he had never wanted a boy before... I am sure that he will be a great father of our little girl!

waiting, worrying and growing

I am still here, counting the days to my next appt. I am still terrified, I've cried many tears... I read and read about the CPCs and some stories give chills a make have terrible nightmares with my baby girl. I decided to stop reading , it was driving me insane. I am concerned about movement. I thought that she should be much more active by now.
In one week from today I'll see my doc, but u/s just in 3 weeks. How am I going to survive??? I am losing it. I don't tell anybody about my fears and I am trying to keep an external appearance that everything is well. Everybody asked about the scan, I just say that everything is OK (hopefully it is, i needs to be) and the scan was just fine. I told 2-3 people and the look in their face when I say "a cyst in the brain" (sounds much worse than it is) makes me even more horrified. I have no energy to explain everything, so I just decided not to tell.
My grandfather is still very very sick and my family is heartbroke. I feel as if I am holding my breath trying to reach the surface... I ma scared of running out air!

Here is a picture of my huge belly that I took in a Xmas party last weekend ... I can't believe how fast it grows.




the weather here is crazy... we had a very bad ice storm and we lost power for an entire day

20 weeks

I can't believe it that I reached the 1/2 way mark... I anticipated being in a different place right now. Don't take me wrong, I am so so happy to have this opportunity, to be expecting my baby girl.... but I still feel so scared, now more than ever because I am so in love to this little. Every time she kicks me my heart jumps with joy. I am trying to have positive thoughts and convince myself that the odds are on my favor... and that everything it will be okay with her. It has to!
It is time to take actions, to plan for this baby's arrival: pick a name, register, pick day care, arrange maternity leave, birthing classes. I am overwhelmed! mostly because I am still scared to plane ahead
Thank you for all your support and love. Without you I could not make it. Here is the only place that I can talk about my true emotions , fears, reservations... for the rest of the world I smile and pretend that I am just one more pregnant girl!

This should be a happy moment

I would be lying if I say that I am not nervous about the Choroid Plexus cyst (cpc)they found on my baby's head. To be honest I am freaking out... I cried and cried. I was so ready to be set free and finally take a deep breath and enjoy my pregnancy. Now this, I have to wait 4 more weeks to know how baby is progressing anf if the cyst goes way . I've been reading like crazy and the odds are very good that is no big deal since there were no other markers and my risk for Trisomy 18 and down syndrome cabe back as 1:5000 (which I was told is very good). I felt like crying all day long at work , I cant concentrate... I told only my mom and a good friend about this, people think that we are not too excited about having a baby girl (Dh really wanted a boy) which is not true. WE ARE SO EXCITED!!!!! we just want her to be healthy. Please baby, be healthy
She (we don't have a name picked out yet) is moving much more now, I feel little kicks here and there. However, in the 2 scans I've had this far she was not moving much. I hear everybody saying how much their babies were moving, all the funny tricks and stuff during sonos... with me she was sleeping all the time, we tried to wake her up and she just kicked. Now with his I am worried that she is not as active as she should be...could this be related with the presence of he cyst?? OMG, when will this end ???? When will I be able to just let it go??? I am ready for a happy ending ... I am ready to be free!
This should be the happiest time of my life!

It's a girl

I am still in shock... I'll have a daughther OMG!!!! she was asleep using the placenta as a pillow bu her legs were up to her head and we could see clearly that was a girl.

The rest of the scan went fine, except for one little thing. The tehcnitian found a Choroid Plexus cyst in her little brain. Doc said that it was very small and in 95% of the cases it disapeers. If not it can a sign of chromossomal abnormalities. The fact that my AFP test came back normal and I did not have any other marker for these abnormalities it is very encouraging. Needless to say that I am sick and worried about it... I have 4 long weeks to worry about. I pray to God that it turns out to be fine with my little girl!

YAY!

DH could not make on Wed for our Sono. I called the doc and she moved up to Monday. OMG, in just 2 days I'lll my baby again. I am excited and nervous at the same time!!!!!!! I pray to God that everything is Okay