6 years... my metamorphosis, our friendship and everything in between

6 years ago I was feeling very overwhelmed with life... I wanted a baby so much. I was navigating the world of TTC after my miscarriage in 05 and had been trying for over 1 year. I had visited a few TTC forums and ran across Serenity's blog. She had just started blogging. I felt inspired by her honesty ... I need to journal about my journey and I was desperate to connect with other women who could relate to my feelings of longing for a child, so I started my blog! May 22 2006. I was 27 years old, married and childless. My marriage felt strong, I thought I could not have chosen a better pattern in life and a father for my future child. I started writing in Portuguese (my native language), but soon after I found "stirrup Queens' blog" and she left a comment on my blog using a translator (very sweet of her). I then started posting in English and little by little I made friend... women that like me were aching with empty arms or longing to make their families complete...I felt part of a community, loved, understood and supported. I poured out my heart and you guys listened, didn't judge and supported me. The name of my blog was "Hopeful" . I was hopeful! naive even... time toke this hope away many times... it kept coming back, thanks to your encouragement. That innocence ... has never returned. I am okay with it, I just miss it sometimes. 2007 , I was almost 3 years into my journey. I re named my blog, "So I wait for you"... waiting for my baby, but waiting on God as well, for His will to be done in my life ... I felt a sense of peace but I was tired ... no, exhausted! TCC took a huge hit on my marriage so I decided to take a break from it. You guys stood by me! May 07 I got my PhD. You celebrated me!. There was a storm of BFPs and I got hopeful again. June I started my new job, which meant fertility coverage now. July I took clomid (before we would try IUI). August I got my BFP!! I was so so so excited, you guys celebrated with me and held your breath with me during the critical early weeks and the many scares later on... you celebrated my baby bump, rejoiced when I founded out I was having a girl, cheered me up when I went on bed rest. There were so many of us pregnant at the same time... remember??? truly exciting times!!! March 08 I was blessed with little girl and you guys showered us with love... I re named my blog "My wait is over". I felt complete, lucky, blessed for having my daughter. The once virtual friendships were now becoming real ones. Solid friendships!! Early motherhood was challenging, but I learned from you and with you so much ! Our little kids were growing up together in some ways. We were growing together as well. The joy turned into sorrow and 08 closed with the biggest shock of my life! I found myself alone, heartbroken, sacred, so scared!!! and you guys gave me shoulder to cry on and let me pour out my pain into posts, raw posts, angry posts, desperate posts, sad posts... and you left beautiful heartfelt comments as I navigated through the biggest storm of my life thus far . At times I felt that I could only be "real" here. It was like a refuge, you could handle my ugly side, my fears and my profound pain even though you could not relate. As time went by people pressured me to be okay, but you didnt , you understood, you were so patient with me. And some of you went through storms of your own, and we "held" hands together through the fire (Love you Amy!!). 2010 came with promises of new beginnings, chapters were closed, and you celebrated the woman I was becoming and celebrated Lyla's milestones with em. 2011 I felt that I did not belong here... I was no longer the 27 years old woman TTCing, or the 29 year old with the new child... Many of you were TTCing again or with baby # 2 on the way. I wanted to stop blogging , but you said that I still belong! We connected in many other ways... the blog's nick names turned into real names over FB, you let me in, and accepted my invitations to be part of my crazy life. So here I am 6 years later, May 2012... a 33 year old single mother of a gorgeous little girl. TTC survivor, a divorcee navigating the complicated world of dating.. still a blogger, still your friend. I have no idea where the next 6 years will take me, I gave up trying to guess. I would've never have guessed 6 years ago that I would be at this position now... My heart still longs for so much. I am still trying to built this family of my dreams... desperately waiting to feel complete. Maybe, here and now should be enough before it feels complete.... that's why I re named my blog "we've got all the strength we need in the shape of us" and "us" include Lyla and I, and my family, and also includes you, my dear blog friends. Thanks for 6 years of support, love and true friendship. Thanks for being part of my journey and witness of my metamorphosis throughout these 6 years.