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I am hurting today... This time of the year is hard, very hard. I know nobody has it all, but what I want is so simple and yet so intangible... I feel as if I am not worthy of it. I can only have and pieces, never the entire deal package. The reminders are everywhere: The families in their holiday's outfits going to take pictures or waiting on line to see Santa, the siblings playing together at the play area, the guy buying his significant other that special gift, the commercials... This sadness takes me by surprise and get its grip on me at days when I am least expecting. It so overwhelming, almost takes my breath away. I don’t want to be ungrateful, I have Lyla, she makes this season so much fun. I just feel that I running low on energy. I give give give give, I please people, I work hard to make a name for myself, I care for her... but at the end of the day I just have that overwhelming feeling that nobody has my back, that if I collapse I will have to pick myself up, that I don’t have luxury to be weak whe I am so tired of being strong. So I keep going, going and going and some days it hits me like a ton of bricks how lonely this journey as a single parent is, how much I have lost. Tomorrow I will wake up feeling better and I will keep on going, but for today I will just cry and allow myself to drink this bitter cup of that has been handed to me. I am hurting today...