Lyla met the new Mrs Monday (A), the wedding is this Friday… the days in between have been a roller coaster ride with ups and downs and everything in between. Lyla and I are both in a steep learning curve. I have to remind myself that she is not even 4 yet and these are complicated topics and she is caught in between 2 realities and that she doesn’t mean much when she says things… With that been said, I can’t deny that it has been hard… scratch that has been painful …growing pains!
At some instances my blood boils, other times I have a chill traveling through my spine, but mostly I feel like I have been punched on the stomach, it’s a sickening feeling
On my way to pick Lyla up at daycare Tuesday I dreaded what I was going to hear . On our way home she said… Mommy, A is my new best girl ever.. that’s how she calls me, I am her best girl ever. Jesus, I wanted throw up. I knew I could not go home, I would break down. It was a beautiful day so we went to the park… I sat there with my sunglasses on and sobbed quietly behind my shades while Lyla ran blissfully through the park. All of the things I could first hear this was one of the worst ones… thats my title... I know she did not mean much ... but I was heartbroken nonetheless
After this first conversation Lyla has mentioned A a few times, it comes when I least expect it
Today at bath time, when I had let my guard down Lyla asked me…
mommy, do you like A? I take a deep breath!
I don’t know her honey (its true, I don’t know her)
So you don’t like her?
Lyla dear, If you like her and she likes you, I will like her as well (thats true too)
Mommy… I tried the wedding dress. I keep my composure
you mean the flowed girl dress?
yes mommy, its pretty, too bad you cant see it. Dad said that you cant come
Thats true... but you are coming home after the wedding and we will have a fun Saint Patrick’s day
We talk about Saint Patty's day for awhile and play with her bath toys
Mommy, It’s A going to be there?
Yes Lyla, she is marrying Dad remember? She is the bride
No she is not, you are the bride mommy (I swallow bitter tears... I want so badly to tell her about our wedding, when I was the bride, but I think that now it will just confuse her)
No Lyla, not mommy. A and dad are getting married
then I want to be the bride mommy…
You cant Lyla… I am marrying dad
She cries
I do too
As I said... growing pains
8 comments:
Sweetie, this is so rough, on both of you. I have no doubt that you'll get through it, but in the meantime, sending you hugs and love and strength.
Do something nice for yourself on Friday. I wish we lived closer so I could take you out for drinks.
xoxo
This is so tough for both of you, but esp for you. ((Hugs))
You are doing very well with her. You are such a good mommy!
I can't imagine how hard this is for you. You are such a fabulous mom and Lyla is such an amazing little girl because of it. I'm sending you lots of love and hugs ((hugs))
Cib - I am so sorry. You are doing a fantastic job keeping the conversations going. You are doing a fantastic job. This Blows!
I have no ideas how I would react if Smooch was getting a stepmom. I'm pretty sure I would be extremely jealous that another woman was going to be part of his life. You are an amazing mother and Lyla is such a great kid. I'm sure there will be bumps, but you have met every bump so far with dignity and grace. You can never be replaced. Always remember that!!
I agree with what everyone else has said. This is such a difficult situation and I think you are handling it so well. You have Lyla's best interest at heart and that's all that matters. I'm not sure I could handle myself so gracefully!
MUCH love to you sis. I can see that God has given you the strength to live through these times of so much pain, and to do it while holding Lyla. It takes a lot to be able to do what you are doing, and I too (like the other comments before mine) believe you are doing a beautiful job amidst the great pain you are living through. You were in my prayers yesterday and I will keep praying for you - for His continued Grace holding your hand, His healing balm to pour over your wounds, for His redeeming heart to bring you what you hope for and deserve. From afar, I am hoping with you
Cibele,
chorei lendo seu post hoje...que doloroso mesmo Deus! Não sei conseguiria dar as respostas que você deu a pequena Lyla...assim de supetão..termos sempre respostas prontas..muito dificil mesmo. Vou rezar por vocês hoje, pra que vc mantenha a serenidade na medida do possível, pra que isso tudo passe rápido...que chegue logo o dia de vc olhar pra trás e saber que realmente tudo isso passou! Força aí amiga! Beijo, Ciça
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