At bed time...

Lyla and I have been having some hard conversations at bed time... too complicated concepts for her little mind, too hurtful topics fro my mother's heard. Her dad got married in March, his wife went back to Brazil waiting for visa, her and 2 kids will be here late June. Lyla has seen her twice, one of these days being the wedding day . At bed time: Lyla: Mom, soon I will be a sister! I take a deep breath Me: really Lyla, how so? Lyla: Well, R and R (her kids) are coming in June (first time I hear this info) and I will be a sister. Me: How do you feel about that Lyla? she smiles with excitement and she asks me if I am equally excited for her. I try to fake a smile and I say... I am happy that you are happy about it Lyla. My minds races and think of how much I wanted to make her a big sister. While I entertain these thoughts she hits me with even harder questions. Lyla: So, if they are my brother and sister and A my mother? I sit up in bed.... of course NOT Lyla, I am your mother. I sound defensive and even intimidating. I caught myself and switch back to a more approachable voice. They are your step siblings Lyla and she will be your ... I hesitate... you step mom... (I hate that word , but technically that what she is , or will become) Lyla: Dad said she is my new mom. My blood boils and i struggle to keep my composure ... No, she will be your STEP mom. Lyla: I think you should be the step mom! I feel stabbed on the heart... my world spins ... I die... all within a few seconds. NO LYLA, DONT EVEN SAY THAT. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AM YOUR MOTHER!!!!!!!! She cries, a hurt silent cry. I cry!! not even trying to hide it. I then remember that I am talking to a 4 year old child, who adores me and she doest even know what she is talking about. I put myself together and hold her and apologize... Lyla do you even know what step mom means? Lyla: No mommy, is it a mom with only one kid? I hug her. Lyla: I am confused mommy. Me: I know baby. I wait until she falls asleep then I fall apart ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I put myself together and call her dad. I told him that Lyla may even come to call her step mom or mom if she chooses so (That will kill me but for what i've read its common for her age)... but A has seeing my child TWICE and such tittles are earned so pleas stop brain washing my daughter. She is impressionable and will believe anything her father says. This is all so hard my friends