Today I was watching Sex and the City, the episode that Charlotte and her husband decide to have a baby. Looking at them all excited made think about the day R and I decided that we were ready. The day I took my last BCP he celebrated the beginning of a new phase. We were so excited that we told everybody that we would start trying (bad mistake). I called my mom, she was so happy. I Went to pick up my prenatal pills and I was SURE, so SURE that by the time I was done with those 100 pills I was going to be PREGNANT.... Well, we all know that was not the truth... We were naive, but I am glad we were.. .At least we enjoyed that time, it was magical just to contemplate the possibility of having a baby, not knowing about all these little details I know now (m/c, SA, short LP, low progesterone). Now, after 2 years things are not that romantic , but we are still very excited over the idea of being parents but now we I can't bring myself to be as optimistic and naive as I once was... Even after my m/c last year I was still SURE that by this Xmas we would be either Pg or with a baby already. I am still hopeful, but I can't honestly say that I am SURE of anything on this baby making journey anymore. For me has been the end of the innocence...
Maybe next year I will get PG, MAYBE NOT... So what?
That is a song that I love that is somehow related to what I wrote today
Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didnt have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standing by
When happily ever after fails
And weve been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly
But I know a place where we can go
Thats still untouched by man
Well sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
You can lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
O beautiful, for spacious skies
But now those skies are threatening
Theyre beating plowshares into swords
For this tired old man that we elected king
Armchair warriors often fail
And weve been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers clean up all details
Since daddy had to lie
But I know a place where we can go
And was away this sin
Well sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair spill all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
Who knows how long this will last
Now weve come so far, so fast
But, somewhere back there in the dust
That same small town in each of us
I need to remember this
So baby give me just one kiss
And let me take a long last look
Before we say good bye
Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
7 comments:
I found your blog through Babes in Blogland.
Yes, I remember those innocent and hopeful days. They were wonderful!
I hope you don't have to wait much longer for your efforts to pay off!
Ci querida, estamos na mesma fase!!
Tambem eu e Fer decidimos, estamos prontos pra receber nosso "segundo" baby. Maybe, maybe... so nos resta fazer nossa parte (e muito, rsrs!!) e deixar nas maos de Deus. Se eh chegada a hora, so Ele sabe...
Mil beijos querida
PS: que musica eh essa?? ela nao me eh estranha...
:)
Cibele,
I completely understand what you mean, that happened to us as well... We spent so many years trying to AVOID a pregnancy that we figured it would be easy to get pregnant. We also told everybody we were trying, and I agree that was the worst thing...
There is nothing CERTAIN in this baby making journey, specially for people like us who need treatments, who have been through losses... It is all a big blur of hopes, dreams and expectations...
I truly hope you find the strenght to keep fighting, to keep dreaming.
Sending you loads of baby dust!
Kisses
Thanks for stopping by, Cibele, and for your kind words. I totally know what you mean about that lost innocence. This is the third Christmas by which I've expected to pregnant or have a baby, and well--you know how that's turned out. It's hideously hard, especially when everyone around you has started a family already. But let's hope that 2007 will be our year.
Happy Holidays!!!
Baci
It's odd how thoughts travel the path from 'of course' to 'possibly' to 'maybe' about the baby thing as time passes. I *know* that I am, realistically in the 'maybe' prognostic box, but at the same time I'm damn 'sure' it will happen. illogical.
Making my way through the big ol' roundup . . .
Oh what I wouldn't give to be innocent again! Well said.
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