The birth story (with update)

I cant believe that she is one week old today. This has been the most wonderful and yet challenging week of my life. There are so many emotions coming at me at the same time that is overwhelming. I can’t believe I am a mother! The worry hasn’t stopped. This weekend she decided that pooping in overrated and has been almost 48 since she had a poppy diaper. My milk came in, but it is not much, I have to supplement with formula. Nurse told me to stop supplementing but I am not sure because se is never satisfied after breastfeeding . Anyway, I’ll develop more on the feeding issues later

Here is the birth story

I lost my mucous plug on the 23rd, on the 24th I went to the hospital with mild contractions and was put on bed rest because I was 1 cm dilated and no cervix left . On the 26th went to a follow up with my OB, and I was 2 cm dilated and with stronger contractions. DH and friends worried up to get things done. Mom got here on the 28th. Saturday the contractions started getting stronger even with medication. I noticed that I was leaking (very little) but decided to go to the doctor only if got worse. Monday I woke up feeling bed, tired…. I had a terrible nightmare the night before… around 11 am I felt a gush of water coming down my legs, not much but I knew it. I told Dh that it was time. I was calm and collected. Called my OB and meanwhile more and more water was coming out. Unfortunately the doc on call was my least favorite but I had no choice. When I got in the hospital I was still calm and excited and yet very worried, I was 36w2d… I told DH that he should go to the cafeteria and eat something because the rest of the day was going to be intense. Nurse came and dh a sono to confirm that she was indeed breeched. When dh was gone I had a taste of things to come: THE WORST CONTRACTION EVER!!!!! OMG, OMG, OMG… I have no words to describe. I called dh: COME BACK NOW!!!!!!!!!! The poor guy left his food behind and got into the room to his desperate screaming wife . Because I had breakfast at 9:30 they wanted to hold on the c-section until 4 or 5 pm. The doc was not there, anesthesia was not there…. The pain was terrible, because of her breech position she pinched my ciatic (not sure how to spell) nerve. My leg went numb and I felt an urge to push. Nurse was nervous because doc was still on her way. She decided to check me anyway. In ½ hours I had gone from 2 cm to almost 8 cm!!!!! I was ready, but could not push… I lost my class, I did not handle the pain well… the numbness was getting worse….If she was not breech I could have had her very quickly . Finally doc got there, yet another quick sono to confirm that she was breeched. I was sweating; felt that I was going to pass out because I could not push. Neither DH and I were ready for this, he did not know what to do to help me, I squeezed his hands so much that I think that he will have a hard time playing drums. Anyway, finally everybody got there and they took me to the OR and left DH behind. The anesthesia was the best thing I have ever had in my life. The relief from the pain is indescribable. I could not stop laughing LOL. And than hit me… OMG, OMG,… I’ll meet my daughter soon! Will she be okay???? Wait, I need to say good bye to my belly (I miss my belly BTW I miss having her just for me). I felt rushed; I was not ready to be over… I NEED 4 more weeks!!! it is a weird feeling. Dh got there and he was crying already. They started the c-section and in soon after I heard the sweetest sound ever… she cried immediately. What a relief! DH could not stop saying OMG , OMG , OMG, OMG. I wanted to see her but the NICU people were working on her (they told me before), DH kept giving me details. She has lots of hair, she is co cute, her legs are up in the air… she is healthy, good size, strong lungs… all good. They finished up with me and brought her over… she opened her eyes when I called her name (so sweet, so sweet) The moment that I longed for so long was finally here and yet it felt so surreal, as if it wasn’t me, not my life!!!! Dh held her and they transferred me to another bad and she got to ride with me! SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They tried to have her breastfeed. I was too tired, she was too tired. They gave her some food and a bath and we both felt asleep. C-section went well, lots of pain, but I am recovering well. I cry a lot, I fear that I am not doing the right thing . She has to go to the doc every other day for weight check. Her weight went down and I had to supplement! The other concern are her little legs,. She was breech for so long that she has a hard time putting them down. I am going tomorrow to see an specialist to check for hip dysplasia . I hope that is not nothing , I can’t handle it right now. I think that is it for now, it is almost feeding time and I need to eat!
More to come

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appointment with the ortho went well. Her hips are stable and seem fine. She is in a higher risk for hip dysplasia for being female, first born and breech. She can’t guarantee that everything will be okay. All seems fine for now, otherwise we would have to start treatment immediately. We will be back in 5 weeks for a hip ultrasom. Hopefully everything will still be good. Her legs are getting, more and more relaxed now , which is a good sign.

Weight check appointment did not go so well. She did not gain any weight. I broke down and started crying. I put so much afford on breastfeeding. I haven’t slept in days breastfeeding almost non stop. I feel like such a failure. I cant provide the most basic need to my child. The lactant consultant seems to have given up on me. She said that my small breast, the fact that they did not change size, that I had fertility issues... all point out to an hormonal problem that may be the reason for short milk supply. I will have to do full feeding on the bottle. The idea is to pump as much as I can and mix it up with formula. She will only feed a the breast 2 times a day and for short period of time so she does not burn much calories. We both enjoy it so much! not fair, not fair.. I feel cheated one more time. Oh well, it is not about me, is about her, she needs to gain weight and I will do whatever it takes. I feel very blessed to have her here with me, but why cant I have a normal experience? My poor baby is 8 days old and had been to the doctor 4 times already. Her heals are bruised from so many blood draw... it is all so overwhelming. I love her so much and I hate that my body doesn’t to its job so I can give her what she needs.. I will dry my tears now and I’ll on going because I know that I am in a better place than many other women.

Thanks for all the support