From Infertility to infidelity... it even rhymes. Now I know all the juicy details, how I was lied to, cheated on, deceived, disrespected, made fun of, mislead...and even blamed for. I did not even had to look for it, the man himself came by this afternoon to tell me. How big of him. Because on his sick mind it is okay now since he already left me, and it is a perfect timing to come clean 5 days before my birthday. Maybe he needed my blessing r for to say that it is okay. In a strange way on top of all the anger, hurt, sadness, disbelief, I am very relieved. I feel that I just been sat free, I finally know what kind of person I am dealing with. The kind of person that does not deserve my respect all the courtesy I've been giving him even after all the pain he caused me. The other shoe has finally dropped, I knew it was just a matter of time. The details are making me physically sick. Did I mention he cheated on me and is having a relationship with his first girlfriend? that he dated during his teens? now they are a couple again . How romantic, don't you think? except that it is at my expense, at the expense of my daughter.
Please pray for me, I am running out of strength, I can barely catch my breath and I am pushed under water again. I am numb, angry, angry, so angry. I have to stop going over this again and again.
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Just woke up after my hours of sleep full of horrible dreams. They say that Joy will come in the morning. Not this morning, I woke up worse. I just want to sleep for a long time. Instead I have to put my brave face on and go to work.
19 comments:
I know you're hurt. I hope you told him that he was an utter and complete idiot for deciding to tell you now - like another week would matter. Two good things have come of this: 1. Obviously, Lyla. 2. Now you know that there is no going back, that it was absolutely not about you, but about his own selfishness. You are now free to move on. You didn't fail to fight for your marriage. Your husband had already left.
But I'd still like to kick him in the testicles for you...
What a bastard! I am so with areyoukiddingme--a good kick where it counts from me too.
Thinking of you and abiding with you.
What a selfish person to relieve his own guilty conscience at your expense. You are a strong amazing mother, and he can his our collective butts.
Take comfort in Lyla.
Also take comfort in the statistic that relationships that start off in a affair, one is cheating, etc and they leave their partner for this new relationship, it has a less than 2% chance of surviving. If he does it to you, he'll do it to her. Just a matter of time! Good riddance my friend!
I love you and sorry you're hurt!!
Keep telling yourself...2%!! :)
Ai que raiva, viu Ci!!!É cada coisa que acontece que nem dá pra acreditar. Se eu não tivesse alguns exemplos de mulheres que fizeram isso, ia te dizer que era coisa de homen! Mas infelizmente não é! Acho o cúmulo da fraqueza, sabe? De gente que não consegue peitar os problemas de frente e preferem partir pra uma experiência diferente achando que será mais fácil. Bobinho ele...pra não dizer covarde!!Mil beijos e paciência amiga, está perto do fim agora...Ciça
Areyoukiddingme said it better than I could.
I know it doesn't make it any better, but you're free. And it WASN'T YOUR FAULT.
Doesn't make me any less angry at him on your behalf. I'd REALLY like to kick him in the nuts.
xxx
OMG, Cibele, I'm so sorry! I'm sure it is a tough pill to swallow right now, but you are strong and amazing so you WILL get through this. There seems to be quite a bit of infidelity with IF bloggers right now and it just makes me so sad. So even though it SUCKS there are some others out there who can relate. I'm just so, so sorry he didn't have the balls to tell you when he first left.
You know you can e-mail me any time if you just want someone to listen.
I suppose it must have made him feel better to come clean, but I think it was incredibly selfish of him. Did you really need to know all of that? Now you know the reason that he left, but now you have to experience it all over again. Why couldn't he just be honest in the first place so that your grieving would be over and you could have moved on easier. What a snake.
I'm so very sorry. Sending you the strength that you already know you have. You will get through this... again.
Thinking of you, and hoping that things will get easier.
i am so sorry cibele. it was incredibly selfish of him to unload his guilt onto you and give you the burden of dealing with it. i hope that the pain recedes quickly and that you hear a resounding click as this door closes and locks.
i wish i could speed up time so that you could be in the arms of your loving family sooner. december can't come fast enough.
Areyoukiddingme hit the nail on the head with her comment.
All I can do is let you know you and Lyla are in my thoughts and prayers.
Big, HUGE ((HUGS))
What a small man, and a weakling. Only someone with no heart would deliberately hurt you by giving you details that you really didn't need to hear.
You will surprise yourself with your strength. Take it one hour at a time if you have to, but you need to realize that him leaving was actually a very good thing. You would hate to have your daughter grow up in a home where her father treats her mother that way.
I hope his new "girlfriend" is a shrew.
Argh. This really sucks.
Thinking of you and your sweet baby.
Cibele, this is terrible news and I am so sorry that you are having to deal with yet another emotional hurdle right now.
Continue to be the strong and beautiful person that you are. Lyla is a wonderful and shining example of your strength and all that is good in your life.
I hope that this pain goes away with time and that you can get back to the business of finding true happiness for yourself (because you truly are deserving).
I am torn between wanting to say "cute new header!" and wanting to get straight to the point of this post.
It just sucks. Not sure what else to say. I can only hope that now it is out in the open you can start to put it behind you more effectively. I imagine it will be very hard, though.
Bea
ASSHOLE!!!! what a total prick for 1) what he did, 2) relieving his guilty conscience at your expense and 3) being a total jackass about the timing! i'm sure it is a process of two steps forward and one step back (sometimes the other way around), but i'm glad this helps you to see him in the light of day and be closer to leaving this behind with no regrets. you are SOOOOO much better than this piece of crap.
Oh, Cibele, I am so sorry. I am praying for you. You ARE free to move on and I hope that you will feel set free very soon.
I always thought it was weird that he would just up and leave you with no explanation, just fell out of love. This should just enforce it even more that it is not you, it is him that has the problem. You did nothing wrong. I had a similar situation years ago, and I blamed myself for a long time. Don't do it. Don't let him suck any more life out of you. The best revenge is success. You are beautiful and deserve happiness. I hope you will seek it. It is better for Lyla to see you "happy".
I"m so sorry for all the hurt you are going through. I agree w/the last 2 comments...I'll keep you in my prayers.
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