Cibele + Lyla

Hello friends

I know it has been a while. I am not sure if anybody is still reading this blog. I am still reading and commenting, just having some problems with writing. I am in a period of transition , almost limbo, and it feels strangely familiar… I am not waiting with my arms crossed though.



I saw the premier of Kate plus 8 last tonight. I first watched the last episode of Jon and Kate plus 8 . We are nothing alike, but somehow I connect with her. I remember crying when I heard about their breakup. I remember their last interviews talking how life would be after divorce. The body language, the tears, the uncertainty… all so familiar. I was going through the same things at the very same time. I imagined how hard it must have been to have to deal with the heartbreak of a divorce with all the media attention. How much harder to it would be to be a single mother of 8, I was struggling with just one. I saw what time did for her. Time has done wonders for me as well. Now I know that I can do this, I can raise my daughter; I know that heartbreak heals, that life can start over, and that we can find a new norm. I see Lyla and this all she has ever known. That's her norm. I some ways it is good, because you can’t miss what you have never had. I another ways it breaks my heart to think about the day when the figures out that not every mom and dad live in separate houses. That there is another way of living that dad and mom are not just “friends”, but they are meant to love each other. She is happy, healthy, funny, smart and we both are doing our best to keep her this way. It saddens me deeply when I see them walking way from me. That having time to rest means not having them around. I breaks my heart when I drive by his place and she says” daddy’s house, no mama's house". Lyla sings two versions of the same song… it goes like that: In this house , in this home there are mama and baby (her dolls) and there is me me me … the other version goes like that: In this house in this home, there are daddy and Neil (their dog) and there is me, me , and me… At least she knows she belongs, that we both love her to death. But still, I feel this id unfair ,that she has been cheated of seeing mom and dad together, of family life, that she does not know that he song should really go like that: In this house, in this home , there are daddy and mama , and there is me me me…

She will be okay. I know that for sure. She is thriving just like any other kid, she is experiencing the same fun things all other kids are. I work really hard to provide for her with all the best. I am working on myself because she deserves a happy mama. I love walking around holding her hands, I saw our reflection at the church’s glass doors and I thought with myself: what a beautiful family of 2, we are not broken, we are just a different kind of family: Cibele + Lyla!!!!