It seems that every day has a purpose in bloglang: perfect moment Monday, wordless Wednesday, photo Friday... I think that Tuesday need to be on the spot light too. inspired by JJ and a honest beautiful post she has today, I declare Tuesday to be confession Tuesday, at least for me, come along if you want
Here are my confessions for today:
- Some days I miss so much being married and all the routine that comes with it that my heart breaks all over again when i think about the divorce
- I am learning not to over analyze
- I am not sure if I should stay here or come back to Brazil
- My boss is driving me crazy
- i feel so offended that my ex mother in law and all my in laws just completely forgot about Lyla and I, as if we never existed before
- I am afraid that i will never be loved again
- I feel "envious" when I hear about second baby announcements and I wonder: Will I ever be able to have a baby again????
- I lied the other day: a radon person in a birthday party asked me if "my husband' was from Brazil too. I just said yes, i had no energy to say the words, I am divorced
- I have body image issues
- the post divorce dating thing is HARDDDDDDDDDDD
- I wish some times that Lyla looked a little more like me so i did not have to see her dad's face every day. i feel guilty about thinking this way, because she is perfect the way she is
- I am grieving the loss of many friendships
- I have 40+ friends request at FB that i am just ignoring . I want to feel safe, not have to worry if what I say will turn in gossip or people will judge me
- I am both afraid and excited about the future
I feel better already
10 comments:
So glad you were able to release some of your frustrations. I wish I could do more to help ease your thoughts, my friend. Hope to hug you in person in October!! xoxo
Something about just saying outloud (writing out loud?) makes things seem more managble. I hope this helps a bit - I'm keeping you in my thoughts. ((hugs))
Wow, you are brave to post this. I hopw it helps!
Great post Cibele.
I like this idea! Maybe I'll make it something I start doing although finding time to blog is so hard lately.
I can relate to so many of your bullets. I will confess now...I still wear my wedding band on my right hand since my sintuation is so weird and because I LOVE my band. I still find significance in the ring and the meaning behind it. Sometimes if I'm out in public and there are a lot of families or people I know that don't know my situation I will switch it over to the other hand.
I had the hardest time letting go of my ring Amy. When I finally stop using it , I felt naked and felt like as if everybody was staring at me.I would break my heart every time I looked at my bare hands. I don't even think about it anymore , it just became a new norm. But I still hide my hands sometimes when i around many families or people that dont know yet. I am not ashamed though
I love this post! You're so real and honest!
So many confessions! All understandable things. There is a lot to work through, it's hard to find your way. You are doing so well to have found your way this far already.
Bea
Hugs
Haven't checked your blog in a long while... But I, too, confess that it remains a tiny knife in my heart, how much my son reminds me of his father. He looks so much like him (a thoughtful gift that my my former MIL gave me was a photo album stuffed w/childhood pictures of M); even has some of his silly mannerisms...
Can't escape genetics I guess, but the saddest thing of all is that the man will never know what he threw away.
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