Go away anxiety!

I have anxiety issues.... to put it mildly. Growing up it was really hard to deal with my anxiety. It became so serious that I had to go on medication during my early teen years. I outgrew it and the anxiety turned into this serious need that I have to be in control, to account for all the possible scenarios and be extra prepared for any possible outcome. Working hard and being overly prepared always eased my anxiety. Raise you hand if you can relate :)
When it was becoming obvious that I was going to have issues getting pregnant anxiety got its tight grip on me again. It was clear that it did not matter how much I prepared I was or how hard I worked, the outcome was beyond me and that broke my spirit. It took time, but I started letting go of my controlling issues and I surrendered before I would go crazy. The same issues surfaced during my marriage crisis. He was buying time by not taking about our issues and all I wanted was to lock him on a room and talk about it until we got somewhere. We all know how this ended up…. The past 2 years have been truly healing. I began concentrating on short term goals. At some point it was a minute by minute goal… I just want to survive this minute and that will be good enough. I learned how to be more kind to myself.
Here and there a wave of anxiety hits me hard and I have to talk myself out of it. I am trying to talk myself out of a big wave now. The same way that I want to solve bad issues like infertility and infidelity I tend to do the same when something good knocks at my door. I want to label it, calculate risks, try to explain it, entertain probabilities …. You get the picture. I am making a vow to myself to let go at this anxiety and enjoy the here and now, that’s what has to matter. I am enjoying the here and now :) go away anxiety!