Friday, April 27, 2007
It's a girl
It’s a girl, said my mother in law over the phone today to me. No excitement, no amazement, just another announcement! Because it did not matter much, SIL already has a boy and a girl. Now girl # 2 is on her way in September. I remember MIL telling me that they did the first u/s and the saw the baby’s heartbeat. A Nice heartbeat, no big deal, just as expected! It felt strange to me to be so worry free and I remember my long waiting on these 7 weeks I was pregnant, the worry, the faint line, the low betas, the backache, the blood, all that blood… the scan that showed my empty uterus … no heartbeat, no baby, nothing… boy or girl? I will never know… I will never know. All these moments I did not get to have with my baby, the announcement, a strong heartbeat, the baby shower, the birth and a whole life that never came to be. Shouldn’t I be happy for another niece? Grateful for the ones I already have (I love them)? But one more time I was reminded of this deep pain and grief that I thought I had let it go already. I miss you baby , I miss you ….
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9 comments:
One of the many things IF has stolen from me is the joy over the simplicity that getting pregnant and having a baby should be.
My heart goes out to you as you once again miss your little one.
Even reading this, I am reminded of my lost pregnancy. I, too, can't relate to women who have great ultrasounds and are not relieved when they get them, as if that is just what is supposed to happen.
I miss my baby, too, even if he/she was only ever an idea or a glimmer of hope.
When we do get pregnant again (because we both will, right?), those first few months will be difficult - waiting, wondering, worrying.
I hope you get to meet your first child soon.
I hope you will soon have news like this. It is hard and unfair, but at least there are lots of us who understand.
I am thinking of you and sending positive thoughts and love. Hugs, my friend.
This is hard.
It's horrible to feel so sad when you think you should be rejoicing for someone else. I know exactly what you're talking about. You've missed out on all these events and hearing of someone else's brings that home.
Look after yourself.
My heart is hurting for you! I know how hard pregnancy announcements can be and I imagine when you've lost a baby they are even harder. I'm thinking of you!
Oh that made me cry, I'm so sorry C. I hope you DO get all those moments very soon. Hugs. x
Oh, as someone else mentioned, I just wish things were simple: you have sex, you get pregnant, you have a baby. Simple as that.
We both know it is NOT like that. having sex won't grant you a pregnancy, being pregnant won't grant you a baby. It just sucks, really.
Yes, you should be happy for having wonderful nieces/nephews. And YES, you should feel sad that you don't have a baby. Don't beat yourselg up for it, sweety. Let these emotions flow, if you try to hide them, they'll come back to haunt you.
Big hug.
Cibele, thank you for your kind comment. And I know how you feel. VB's sister just had her third (her second "surprise") and, although I'm happy for her, it makes me think about my Lost One and it makes me sad. If I hadn't miscarried, he or she would be two years old now. As you said, sometimes I miss that little baby so much...I don't even think there are words for it.
I'm sending a hug and good thoughts to you.
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