It 3 am and I can't sleep... I've had one of the hardest weeks of my life and I am coming to terms with a new reality that is shaping up in front of my eyes. That old feeling of being scared of the unknown in back but this time comes together with rejection... I spent Saturday afternoon with 2 good friend's of mine.I felt so good, I felt accepted and loved for who I am. They were glad to see me, glad to see Cibele, not a version of the Cibele that is convenient to them... I miss my family, they keep me grounded and proud of who I am. I feel accepted here too, and I love you guys for being so kind with me. Today I whispered on Lyla's ears while she was asleep: I love you and thanks for loving me back... only if she knew it how much this means to me. I hope she never feels rejected. I will teach her to love herself and be sure of who she is. I am just vending, otherwise I will explode... I am looking for counseling. I am reaching out here , asking for your prayers and good thoughts. I need strength and wisdom God, please be by my side, I know YOU accept me, love me and will never never forsaken me!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It is 7 am, I got a few hours of resteful sleep and I feel better. Nights are always harder, but I feel ready for the week, it has to be better.
PS: Lyla slept 12 hours last night (woke up 2x for 15 to eat but went right back to sleep) I think she knows that her mommy needs a break.
12 comments:
Oh, Cibele, I wish I could give you a real hug--but this will have to do-- ((hug!))
I am so sorry things are rough for you. You are in my thoughts, and if there is anything I can do--please let me know!
*hugs* I hope things get better for you really soon.
Oo count me in for a real big virtual SQUEEZE--you have been in my thoughts a lot--and please know we love you just the way you are!
I am so sorry you are going through this. My dh and I are also in a bad place (we have been for the entire 10 years that we have been married) So, I get what you are saying about feeling rejected. He has some idea of what I should be like and when I don't fit that mold he shuts down.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, and if you ever need to vent you just let me know.
Go Lyla!! Way to sleep! :) Cibele - I am praying for you.
I'm sending some hugs your way as well. And lots of unconditional love. Snuggle up to your gorgeous baby, give her a big kiss.
So sorry hon. I know it is so hard. I hope you are able to find a good counselor and that it helps. There are many people out here who love you for exactly who you are! I wish you lived closer so I could tell you in person!
Lots of hugs sweetie - know that you are always in my thoughts. I'm sorry that you ever have to feel this way. You should always feel loved and appreciated, and I know Lyla will always feel that way from you. You both are always in my prayers - and I truly mean that.
Thinking of you, Cibele.
Thinking of you as well. I sure hope it gets better soon.
I'm thinking of you as I'm in a very similar boat right now. Personally I feel so weird because of my son I've felt more happiness than I've ever felt in my entire life, but things with my marriage have never felt worse. I'm sending you giant hugs cause I'm there too!
sleep is a wonderful thing - so is acceptance
Post a Comment